It's twelfth night and therefore officially the end of the festive season so all the decorations have to come down :o( Not that I had put any decorations up other than my cards on ribbons, because there didn't seem to be a great deal of point seeing as I was away for most of the festive period. However, this coming Saturday I'm having a (not) New Year's Eve party to celebrate it being (not) New Year's Eve. In other words, it's an excuse for a get together of friends and friends of friends as lots of people have been away and not had a chance to catch up with each other, and now the long slog through the rest of the dark, cold, winter days begins with nothing to look forward to until Easter. So you may not be aware of this, but it's actually still December and Saturday is the 41st of the month :oD I had meant to record the fireworks off the telly on 31st, but I forgot :o( so at midnight on Saturday we're going to have to make do with the bongs on Radio 4 ... though I might, if I remember and decide I can afford it, I might get a few fireworks to set off in the back lane. Tee hee. That'll confuse the neighbours ;o)
Other than taking down Christmas cards and decorations, what does one do on twelfth night? Well traditionally I don't do anything specific, except perhaps feel a bit sad about disassembling the festivities, but tonight I have been to the pantomime at Newcastle's Theatre Royal :o) It was Robinson Crusoe and the Caribbean Pirates and it was great fun, though perhaps rather risque for some of the young kids there. Most of it will have gone over their heads, but I'm not convinced that all of it will have done. Anyway, it was wonderful fun and the 3D effects they had were fantastic. It also tickled me that the friend I went with and I had no children with us - we were unashamedly there for ourselves without the security of a small child to pass off as our reason for going :o)
Going back a while, but keeping with the festive theme, I wanted to tell you about something that happened in the 12th December. A small group of us from church went carol singing around the streets near church. We weren't collecting money, just providing a bit of festive entertainment and reaching out into the community as a church to remind people what Christmas is really about. Although it was cold and damp, and later started to spit with the kind of rain that feels like needles on your skin, we all had a fun time and lots of people seemed to enjoy our efforts, with one or two even joining in themselves. When it got too chilly for us and we'd been out a while we went off to the vicarage to warm up with mulled wine and mince pies. Well, most people did, but seeing as either of those would've killed me (allergies) I gave them a miss and opted for a decaf tea instead, which eventually helped me to defrost. It was a lovely evening, with lots of fun, lots of festivity, lots of singing and a fair bit of dampness.
When I got home I was feeling all cheery and festively fuzzy inside. I needed some milk from the shop though so rather than going in and getting all cosy warm and then having to go back out into the stinging rain I went as soon as I got out of the car. Outside the shop was a young man sitting on the ground, wrapped in a worn out coat, getting very wet, obviously cold, and begging. This is a residential area, not the centre of town and I don't think I've ever seen anyone begging in the area before. He was leaning against the window at the far end of the Spar shop, but when he saw me heading towards the door he asked me if I could spare a few pence. The temptation with beggars is to ignore them, to bypass them without often without acknowledgement, but I couldn't do that. I couldn't brush aside those words of 'good will to all men' that I'd just been singing about. I couldn't pretend I hadn't seen him. I approached him and he told me that he needed to make £15 so that he could stay in the hostel over night, that he'd managed to scrape together the money the night before, but that when he'd got there they were full. He told me he'd then bought alcohol with yesterday's £15 to help block out the cold as he spent the night on the street. And therein lies the dilemma we face when someone begs you for money - do you give them the money in the hope that they will spend it on food, hot drinks, or a place to stay, rather than alcohol, or do you suspect that it'll go on booze so don't give them what they're asking for. It's a difficult call, and really who am I to say that someone who's sleeping rough and is freezing cold shouldn't do whatever it takes for them to get some rest, even if that means drinking themselves into a stupor, but at the end of the day I rarely do give money. I didn't give money to this young man either, and I still don't know if I did the right thing. However, when I was in the shop I noticed they were doing a two for one offer on those enormous bars of Dairy Milk. It wouldn't give nutrition, but it would give calories, and the young man on the street looked like he needed calories, so I bought him the chocolate. When I came out of the shop, he reached out his hand to me and said, 'I need a miracle. Please, can you help me?' Christmas is a time for miracles, but they're not something I've ever performed, or ever expect to be able to. I knelt down and said that I didn't have a miracle, but I did have some chocolate for him and I could pray for him and the miracle he needed if he wanted me to. This is something that I have never done before - prayed for a stranger in the street like that. It's not really me, but it was all I had to offer this desperate young man sitting on the ground in my community. I don't think I'd expected him to accept my offer of prayer, but he did, so I held his hand and quietly prayed with him for the miracle he needed of getting somewhere warm and dry to stay for the night, for longer than that one night, and for the chance to get his life back on track. Afterwards he was almost in tears. He clutched his big bars of chocolate and asked if he could hug me. Again, this is something that I've never done before - hugged a homeless person - and I wavered for a second or two, but it struck me that one of the things that this man needed was human touch, and something other than that given by the police as he's moved on from wet patch of pavement to wet patch of pavement. I hugged him and he cried and he thanked me and he hugged me some more. I felt inadequate, and I felt humbled by this man's simple acceptance of prayer and chocolate as my offering to him on such a cold, wet night when what he really needed was a warm bed. I wished that I could have offered him a place to stay, but I couldn't. After a few minutes I got up and came home, but as I passed by the door to the shop also passed one of the shop keepers who was looking at the young man with disdain, and then threatened to call the police to have him moved on. I was angry. He hadn't done anything wrong. He didn't have any place to move on to. There was a genuine desperation in his eyes and I had made the choice to talk to him - he hadn't forced me to, and he hadn't forced me to give him the chocolate. I was almost mute in my anger though, and all I could think to say was, 'You'll be closing up soon. He'll go then.'
I haven't seen him since, but I have thought about him a lot. There was something about him that stirred something in me. Maybe it was that he was in the middle of my local community, rather than in the impersonal city centre. Maybe it was the desperation in his eyes. Maybe it was the time of year - the approaching festivities and the fun evening of joyful carol singing that I'd just had. Maybe it was his plea for a miracle and my inability to provide one. You find God in the strangest of places and in the most unexpect of places and people, but there was something about this young man that suggested God's presence ...
I still pray for him. I still wish I'd been able to do something more for him. I do hope that he's okay.
Tuesday, 6 January 2009
Wednesday, 31 December 2008
Questions answered
Okay, having posed the questions, and it now being New Year's Eve, it's time for me to answer my own questions.
1. What has been your biggest achievement this year? Getting a first in my English Lit course (and, so my tutor told me, getting the highest mark!)
2. What made you laugh most this year? This is hard. I know that I've laughed lots this year, and I can remember one or two fits of giggles, but I can't remember what it was about.
3. What has been your favourite/most listened to piece of music this year? I've listened to Scot Joplin a lot.
4. What was your best holiday this year? I didn't have anything much of a holiday this year. I guess I'd say that my time at the Edinburgh Book Festival was the best time away, though it wasn't a holiday as I studied relentlessly.
5. What new skill, if any, have you acquired this year? Erm ... the beginnings of play writing.
6. What's your happiest/fondest memory of this year? Probably of building sand castles for my nephew (O) to prod and then knock down when we were on the beach at Bamburgh in July.
7. What's the best book you've read this year? Excluding those that I read for my course, I'd say Alan Bennett's The Uncommon Reader has probably been the best.
8. If you could spend next year as a film character, who would that be? Oh, what's her name in Much Ado About Nothing? Is it Beatrice? Anyway, it'd be her in the Brannagh version so that I could spend a year with Kenneth Brannagh, Denzyl Washington and Keanu Reeves all in leather trousers! ;oP
9. What new hobby did you take up/old hobby did you reinstate this year? Earlier in the year I reinstated swimming, but it only lasted a couple of months and then got interrupted by hospital. Other than that I guess I've done more with my photography this year than previously.
10. What one thing would you really like to do next year? Pass my current OU course in Advanced Creative Writing.
11. What has been your best discovery of this year? That I'm actually pretty good at literary analysis.
12. What news story of this year has had the biggest impact on you/do you most remember? A serious one has been the attacks in Mumbai. Truly awful. At the other end of the spectrum is one that I heard at the beginning of the year on Radio 4 (at least I'm pretty sure it was this year). A squirrel chewed its way through an electricity wire and caused a blackout in the whole of Devon.
13. What's the best film you've seen this year? (can be at the cinema or DVD etc) I haven't been to the cinema much this year. I did watch a fantastic, though harrowing, film on telly last night - The Magdalene Sisters. If you haven't seen it, it's well worth it.
14. What was your best buy this year? Erm ... maybe my new TV (32" flat screen), or the 30mm macro lens I bought for my camera.
15. What has been your best day out this year? Quite possibly the day at Bamburgh Beach with my nephew, brother, sister-in-law, dad, step-mum, and various friends of dad and step-mum. It was blissfully warm, a lovely family time, Dad looked well and was enjoying himself, O was really happy and cheery and some of us went swimming in the sea!
16. Is there anywhere you'd like to visit next year? Locally, I'd like to go to Allen Banks. A little further afield, I desperately want to go down to London and meet Nephew number 2. Further still, I'd like to go abroad for a holiday ... perhaps to France with my bro, s-i-l, 2 nephews and whoever else is at s-i-l's parents' French house (yes, they have a second home in France). I'm told I have an invite.
17. Name one thing you did this year that you'd like to do again. Hmm ... not sure ... survive, I guess. If I have to be less general, I guess I'd opt for being well enough to get back to supervised exercise.
18. Who gave you the best advice this year? Probably my previous pdoc, Dr M, who advised me to tell somebody something about somebody else even though it went against their wishes at the time. It was necessary for my own well-being. The person I was telling has since been told by the person who it was about. Gosh, that's all very confusing isn't it? I'm having to be a little bit more cryptic than usual to maintain a certain amount of confidentiality.
19. What new skill would you like to acquire next year? Breathing! Failing that, something fun that I haven't yet thought of.
20. What was your favourite TV/radio programme of this year? I've really enjoyed the recent series of Survivors on BBC 1. I love some of the radio comedies on Radio 4 though - Just a Minute; I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Clue; some others that I can't remember the names of at the moment, but I know that I've enjoyed.
Right then, that's me done for the year :o) Anyone got any more questions they want to add to the list? Any more takers for answering any of them? Go on, it's fun!
Have fun tonight, everyone, and I'll see you all next year!
1. What has been your biggest achievement this year? Getting a first in my English Lit course (and, so my tutor told me, getting the highest mark!)
2. What made you laugh most this year? This is hard. I know that I've laughed lots this year, and I can remember one or two fits of giggles, but I can't remember what it was about.
3. What has been your favourite/most listened to piece of music this year? I've listened to Scot Joplin a lot.
4. What was your best holiday this year? I didn't have anything much of a holiday this year. I guess I'd say that my time at the Edinburgh Book Festival was the best time away, though it wasn't a holiday as I studied relentlessly.
5. What new skill, if any, have you acquired this year? Erm ... the beginnings of play writing.
6. What's your happiest/fondest memory of this year? Probably of building sand castles for my nephew (O) to prod and then knock down when we were on the beach at Bamburgh in July.
7. What's the best book you've read this year? Excluding those that I read for my course, I'd say Alan Bennett's The Uncommon Reader has probably been the best.
8. If you could spend next year as a film character, who would that be? Oh, what's her name in Much Ado About Nothing? Is it Beatrice? Anyway, it'd be her in the Brannagh version so that I could spend a year with Kenneth Brannagh, Denzyl Washington and Keanu Reeves all in leather trousers! ;oP
9. What new hobby did you take up/old hobby did you reinstate this year? Earlier in the year I reinstated swimming, but it only lasted a couple of months and then got interrupted by hospital. Other than that I guess I've done more with my photography this year than previously.
10. What one thing would you really like to do next year? Pass my current OU course in Advanced Creative Writing.
11. What has been your best discovery of this year? That I'm actually pretty good at literary analysis.
12. What news story of this year has had the biggest impact on you/do you most remember? A serious one has been the attacks in Mumbai. Truly awful. At the other end of the spectrum is one that I heard at the beginning of the year on Radio 4 (at least I'm pretty sure it was this year). A squirrel chewed its way through an electricity wire and caused a blackout in the whole of Devon.
13. What's the best film you've seen this year? (can be at the cinema or DVD etc) I haven't been to the cinema much this year. I did watch a fantastic, though harrowing, film on telly last night - The Magdalene Sisters. If you haven't seen it, it's well worth it.
14. What was your best buy this year? Erm ... maybe my new TV (32" flat screen), or the 30mm macro lens I bought for my camera.
15. What has been your best day out this year? Quite possibly the day at Bamburgh Beach with my nephew, brother, sister-in-law, dad, step-mum, and various friends of dad and step-mum. It was blissfully warm, a lovely family time, Dad looked well and was enjoying himself, O was really happy and cheery and some of us went swimming in the sea!
16. Is there anywhere you'd like to visit next year? Locally, I'd like to go to Allen Banks. A little further afield, I desperately want to go down to London and meet Nephew number 2. Further still, I'd like to go abroad for a holiday ... perhaps to France with my bro, s-i-l, 2 nephews and whoever else is at s-i-l's parents' French house (yes, they have a second home in France). I'm told I have an invite.
17. Name one thing you did this year that you'd like to do again. Hmm ... not sure ... survive, I guess. If I have to be less general, I guess I'd opt for being well enough to get back to supervised exercise.
18. Who gave you the best advice this year? Probably my previous pdoc, Dr M, who advised me to tell somebody something about somebody else even though it went against their wishes at the time. It was necessary for my own well-being. The person I was telling has since been told by the person who it was about. Gosh, that's all very confusing isn't it? I'm having to be a little bit more cryptic than usual to maintain a certain amount of confidentiality.
19. What new skill would you like to acquire next year? Breathing! Failing that, something fun that I haven't yet thought of.
20. What was your favourite TV/radio programme of this year? I've really enjoyed the recent series of Survivors on BBC 1. I love some of the radio comedies on Radio 4 though - Just a Minute; I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Clue; some others that I can't remember the names of at the moment, but I know that I've enjoyed.
Right then, that's me done for the year :o) Anyone got any more questions they want to add to the list? Any more takers for answering any of them? Go on, it's fun!
Have fun tonight, everyone, and I'll see you all next year!
Saturday, 27 December 2008
Review of the year
Last year I devised a set of questions for me and my friends to ask each other on New Year's Eve, and I also did them with my mum. Mum kept a copy and we found it the other day in one of the carol music books so we spent some time yesterday evening going through the questions. I thought that perhaps you might like to think about them too so here they are:
1. What has been your biggest achievement this year?
2. What made you laugh most this year?
3. What has been your favourite/most listened to piece of music this year?
4. What was your best holiday this year?
5. What new skill, if any, have you acquired this year?
6. What's your happiest/fondest memory of this year?
7. What's the best book you've read this year?
8. If you could spend next year as a film character, who would that be?
9. What new hobby did you take up/old hobby did you reinstate this year?
10. What one thing would you really like to do next year?
11. What has been your best discovery of this year?
12. What news story of this year has had the biggest impact on you/do you most remember?
13. What's the best film you've seen this year? (can be at the cinema or DVD etc)
14. What was your best buy this year?
15. What has been your best day out this year?
16. Is there anywhere you'd like to visit next year?
17. Name one thing you did this year that you'd like to do again.
18. Who gave you the best advice this year?
19. What new skill would you like to acquire next year?
20. What was your favourite TV/radio programme of this year?
When I came up with these questions I tried to focus on the positive aspects of life, although I think they also make you consider the other side of things too. One of the things they've done for me is make me think about which areas in the good bits of life I need to make more of an effort with. For example, I had some good days out this year, and I think I can isolate one that I can say was my best of the year (Q.15), but I haven't had as many days out this year as I did last, so maybe next year I need to make sure I have more. The other one I had real difficulty with was Q.4 - best holiday of the year. I've had a couple of days away here and there, but no real holiday in 2008. That is something I definitely need to change for 2009.
I'd really like to hear some of your answers to some of these questions, so please do share some in the comments section :o) In the meantime, have fun thinking about and answering them.
1. What has been your biggest achievement this year?
2. What made you laugh most this year?
3. What has been your favourite/most listened to piece of music this year?
4. What was your best holiday this year?
5. What new skill, if any, have you acquired this year?
6. What's your happiest/fondest memory of this year?
7. What's the best book you've read this year?
8. If you could spend next year as a film character, who would that be?
9. What new hobby did you take up/old hobby did you reinstate this year?
10. What one thing would you really like to do next year?
11. What has been your best discovery of this year?
12. What news story of this year has had the biggest impact on you/do you most remember?
13. What's the best film you've seen this year? (can be at the cinema or DVD etc)
14. What was your best buy this year?
15. What has been your best day out this year?
16. Is there anywhere you'd like to visit next year?
17. Name one thing you did this year that you'd like to do again.
18. Who gave you the best advice this year?
19. What new skill would you like to acquire next year?
20. What was your favourite TV/radio programme of this year?
When I came up with these questions I tried to focus on the positive aspects of life, although I think they also make you consider the other side of things too. One of the things they've done for me is make me think about which areas in the good bits of life I need to make more of an effort with. For example, I had some good days out this year, and I think I can isolate one that I can say was my best of the year (Q.15), but I haven't had as many days out this year as I did last, so maybe next year I need to make sure I have more. The other one I had real difficulty with was Q.4 - best holiday of the year. I've had a couple of days away here and there, but no real holiday in 2008. That is something I definitely need to change for 2009.
I'd really like to hear some of your answers to some of these questions, so please do share some in the comments section :o) In the meantime, have fun thinking about and answering them.
Pond life
I'm still at Mum's at the moment - here until Tuesday. She and J (Step-dad) live near one of the parks in the suburbs of Edinburgh and this afternoon J and I went for a short wander by the pond in the park. It wasn't too chilly and it was dry so there quite a number of people out and about, including plenty of children riding their shiny new bikes that I'm sure they will have got as Christmas presents. There were several families of three generations blowing away the cobwebs, and it was lovely to watch the different interactions of the family members of different generations.
Most of the avian life on and near the pond consisted of gulls, mainly black-headed gulls that had lost the blackness on their heads for the winter months. This caused J and I a little confusion at first, and we started pondering the liklihood of them actually being kittiwakes, but ultimately decided this was unlikely and then checked out the non-black-headed black-headed gull theory in a book when we got back. We were right. Amongst the gulls were a a few pairs of ducks, and a couple of swans looking very majestic and rather expectant as we approached, but alas, we had no bread with us. They looked well fed anyway, and I'm sure that living in a suburban park they don't do at all badly for food. In fact, several of the families that were around included children throwing bread (and probably left over Christmas dinner) to the ducks and swans whilst trying to scare away the gulls. Towards one end of the pond was a small cluster of moorhens, which I always think look so out of proportion when they get out of the water. Their bodies are small and dainty, and their little red bills are somewhat endearing, but then they have whacking great, gangly legs and spindly feet that have a twiggy look about them. Still, for some reason I prefer moorhens to coots, although they're very similar.
On our short meander around the pond we came across a very friendly robin that sat in the branches of a low, leafless bush by the path. It twittered and sang, showed us its glowing red breast and obligingly posed for me while I took a lot of photos. Unfortunately it also decided to make sudden movements of its head at precisely the moment I pressed the shutter button on the camera, so a good number of the photos are rather blurred. I'll have a check through them though and maybe post one or two of the unblurred ones on here. I'll also check out the photos I took of the herron that was perched on a high branch of a tree by the pond. We spotted it from the far side of the pond, but had to wait until we were on the same side as it before I could get a photo. This was fine as it seemed to be asleep and all wrapped up in its wings when we first saw it, but had woken up and was preening itself by the time we made it round to where it was. Of course I've seen herrons many times before, and I've seen them nesting too, but I always find it quite surprising to see a bird of that size nesting in a tree, especially one that I more usually expect to see wading amongst long grass along the side of a lake.
J and I didn't stay out for long, only doing one slow circuit of the pond, because I'm not actually feeling too grand. I'm okay, and I don't have 'flu like Mum has had (I had the 'flu vaccine a couple of months ago), but I think my lungs may be brewing some pond life of their own - more the sludgy, green variety than the avian variety though. I have woken on the past two mornings with a distinct rattle in my chest that I haven't been able to shift at all easily. Nebs have helped a little, but everything feels like it's tightening up and my lungs have a certain heaviness about them. In a fit of optimism when packing to come up here I didn't put my peak flow metre in my luggage, so today J went to the nearest Boots to buy one from the pharmacy counter. I'd just had a nebuliser when J came back from the chemist, but I did a PEF anyway to give me some marker of where I was up to. Post-neb late this afternoon my PEF was 200, which is sort of acceptable for me when I'm setting out on a downward spiral (which I think this probably is). Okay, it's not great, but it's liveable with. I did a pre-neb PEF a little later on and it had dipped to 120. Not great. The nebuliser I had helped a bit, but that rattle is back in my lungs and I'm beginning to wonder how long I've got until I splat as post-neb I only got back as far as 170.
These days Mum and J rarely see me at the outset of a downward spiral so Mum is fussing somewhat and J has been checking out online where the best place to go is over the weekend if I need to see a doc. My guess is the local hospital, which is pretty close, but it's maybe a bit of a difficult call as the other hospital in the city (Edinburgh Western General) has a brittle asthma unit, so they'd be well up on how to treat it. I, on the other hand, am trying to allay their fears that although I'm dipping, I'm not in immediate need of medical assistance, and I'm really hoping not to have to test out the Edinburgh emergency services. I'm sure they're great ... I'd just rather not have to find out first hand. Obviously I'll use them if I need to, and if the pond life develops as I suspect it is then I'll see a doc for antibiotics sooner rather than later, but I'd much prefer to have a medical-free Christmas break away, get home as planned on Tuesday, and not immediately find myself making use of the health services back in Newcastle.
And with that I shall leave you for now while I go and nebulise again.
Most of the avian life on and near the pond consisted of gulls, mainly black-headed gulls that had lost the blackness on their heads for the winter months. This caused J and I a little confusion at first, and we started pondering the liklihood of them actually being kittiwakes, but ultimately decided this was unlikely and then checked out the non-black-headed black-headed gull theory in a book when we got back. We were right. Amongst the gulls were a a few pairs of ducks, and a couple of swans looking very majestic and rather expectant as we approached, but alas, we had no bread with us. They looked well fed anyway, and I'm sure that living in a suburban park they don't do at all badly for food. In fact, several of the families that were around included children throwing bread (and probably left over Christmas dinner) to the ducks and swans whilst trying to scare away the gulls. Towards one end of the pond was a small cluster of moorhens, which I always think look so out of proportion when they get out of the water. Their bodies are small and dainty, and their little red bills are somewhat endearing, but then they have whacking great, gangly legs and spindly feet that have a twiggy look about them. Still, for some reason I prefer moorhens to coots, although they're very similar.
On our short meander around the pond we came across a very friendly robin that sat in the branches of a low, leafless bush by the path. It twittered and sang, showed us its glowing red breast and obligingly posed for me while I took a lot of photos. Unfortunately it also decided to make sudden movements of its head at precisely the moment I pressed the shutter button on the camera, so a good number of the photos are rather blurred. I'll have a check through them though and maybe post one or two of the unblurred ones on here. I'll also check out the photos I took of the herron that was perched on a high branch of a tree by the pond. We spotted it from the far side of the pond, but had to wait until we were on the same side as it before I could get a photo. This was fine as it seemed to be asleep and all wrapped up in its wings when we first saw it, but had woken up and was preening itself by the time we made it round to where it was. Of course I've seen herrons many times before, and I've seen them nesting too, but I always find it quite surprising to see a bird of that size nesting in a tree, especially one that I more usually expect to see wading amongst long grass along the side of a lake.
J and I didn't stay out for long, only doing one slow circuit of the pond, because I'm not actually feeling too grand. I'm okay, and I don't have 'flu like Mum has had (I had the 'flu vaccine a couple of months ago), but I think my lungs may be brewing some pond life of their own - more the sludgy, green variety than the avian variety though. I have woken on the past two mornings with a distinct rattle in my chest that I haven't been able to shift at all easily. Nebs have helped a little, but everything feels like it's tightening up and my lungs have a certain heaviness about them. In a fit of optimism when packing to come up here I didn't put my peak flow metre in my luggage, so today J went to the nearest Boots to buy one from the pharmacy counter. I'd just had a nebuliser when J came back from the chemist, but I did a PEF anyway to give me some marker of where I was up to. Post-neb late this afternoon my PEF was 200, which is sort of acceptable for me when I'm setting out on a downward spiral (which I think this probably is). Okay, it's not great, but it's liveable with. I did a pre-neb PEF a little later on and it had dipped to 120. Not great. The nebuliser I had helped a bit, but that rattle is back in my lungs and I'm beginning to wonder how long I've got until I splat as post-neb I only got back as far as 170.
These days Mum and J rarely see me at the outset of a downward spiral so Mum is fussing somewhat and J has been checking out online where the best place to go is over the weekend if I need to see a doc. My guess is the local hospital, which is pretty close, but it's maybe a bit of a difficult call as the other hospital in the city (Edinburgh Western General) has a brittle asthma unit, so they'd be well up on how to treat it. I, on the other hand, am trying to allay their fears that although I'm dipping, I'm not in immediate need of medical assistance, and I'm really hoping not to have to test out the Edinburgh emergency services. I'm sure they're great ... I'd just rather not have to find out first hand. Obviously I'll use them if I need to, and if the pond life develops as I suspect it is then I'll see a doc for antibiotics sooner rather than later, but I'd much prefer to have a medical-free Christmas break away, get home as planned on Tuesday, and not immediately find myself making use of the health services back in Newcastle.
And with that I shall leave you for now while I go and nebulise again.
Tuesday, 23 December 2008
Phew! I made it!
Phew! I've made it to Christmas! I made the deadline for my latest assignment! I've made it to Edinburgh! Hurray!
I'm sure you're all hectically busy, as I have been, which is why, yet again, I have neglected you until now. Now that I'm up at Mum's though I can feel the tension finally slipping away, and I'm starting to relax into Christmas.
I spent most of the past week and a bit writing an assignment that was due on by Friday just gone (a stupid time to have an assignment in, if you ask me). Luckily, and quite miraculously, I managed to get it done and sent off into the ether for marking by 5.30pm on Thursday :o) The assignment entailed dramatising the short story I'd written for the previous assignment, for radio, stage or film. I'd originally thought I'd do it for film, but then played around with the idea of radio before finally settling on stage. I was in my usual state of decisiveness ;o) I can't remember if I told you about my first assignment or not, so here's the (very) basic storyline:
Bill and Marion are the parents of a young soldier, Jim, who is fighting out in the Iraq war. They receive a visit from a Casualty Notification Officer telling them of their son's death. On the day of Jim's funeral they get a letter from Jim that he wrote and sent just before he was killed.
As I say, that is the story on a very basic level. The play is a little different in that it deals solely with the morning of the funeral, and rather than concentrating mostly on Marion (as the short story does), it tells more of the story and reactions of all the characters. So there's Bill's coping/not coping by keeping busy and getting tied up in practicalities, but then giving way to his real feelings when Captain John Baites (the CNO) gives him the letter. By the way, the play opens with the arrival of the letter, and Jim's friend, Micky, who's already in the house picking it up off the doormat. He doesn't want to upset B and M so keeps hold of it until the CNO arrives, which is how come he gives it to Bill. There's a little in the play about how the CNO comes to be doing the job and the complexities of it when he didn't know Jim ... Um, then there's a bit of Micky's reaction, and also his relationship to the family as a life-long friend of Jim. And of course, there's Marion's grief and then her reaction to the letter - she goes into a brief state of disbelief that Jim is actually dead seeing as he's sent a letter.
It's not cheery, is it? Not very festive. Maybe that, in addition to having the pressure taken off with having met the assignment deadline, is partly why I'm now able to relax. It's been a slog, but I'm quite pleased with the final thing ... though I reserve all judgement until I get the mark through. I still have some work to do over Christmas, but I'm determined to take a couple of guilt-free study-free days off, and maybe when I come back to it I'll be a little refreshed ... or a little more stuffed with Christmas goodies at least ;oP
.
As I say, I came up to Mum's in Edinburgh yesterday. It's great to be up here, but Mum's not well. She's got 'flu :o( She's a little better than she was last week, but still not well so I think Christmas is going to be a relatively quiet affair. Luckily (for me) I had the 'flu vaccine back in October so I should be okay, but my lungs were quite tight this morning, requiring a double dose of nebulised salbutamol, and not too happy this afternoon either. They've been better this evening than they were earlier in the day, but I'm thinking that I might have to be careful in the next day or so. I have no desire to sample the local hospital, even though it's got a fairly good reputation!
Speaking of avoiding hospital, I had a bit of a close call on Sunday evening. At my church the 'general holy mob' (most of the congregation ;oP ) get normal bread (but consecrated) at communion. I can't have shop-bought bread, because of my allergies, and I can't have the regular host wafers either. I can, though, have the gluten-free wafers, although it's not gluten that's the problem for me, it's the sulphur dioxide/sulphites they use to make the flour used in the regular wafers white. Anyway, on Sunday evening we were having a quiet, reflective, Christmas vigil service with communion, which was all very lovely and going smoothly ... until communion. For a change, the communion bread and wine were being passed around by the congregation to each other, but M (the vicar) had told me that he had mine separate and that he'd give it to me himself. Great. This would have been absolutely fine if only the wafer I was given had not been either the wrong sort or a different brand. Whatever it was, it was different and I very quickly knew it. I managed to avoid swallowing any of it, and while I still had it in my mouth asked M if it was the gluten-free type. He looked a bit worried, then said he thought it was, but suddenly wasn't sure. I got up and we went to the back of church (actually it was about half way up, but it was beyond the horseshoe of pews where the service was taking place) where I quickly spat out the consecrated God biscuit. I'm not sure what God would make of that, or the fact that it then went in the bin, but I didn't have a lot of choice, because already my tongue and lips were fizzing, my mouth was itchy, my throat was itchy and my eyes were beginning to burn. My tongue swelled a bit, and my eyes continued to burn and itch and everything in and around my lips was itchy and sore for quite sometime, but luckily it didn't progress into anaphylaxis. I think it might have done if I'd actually swallowed any of it, and/or if I hadn't immediately taken a double dose of two different antihistamines (as prescribed by my immunologist, not just because I thought it was a good idea!).
After exposure to, or ingestion of, an allergenic substance I have up to four hours in which I could have an anaphylactic reaction. Usually, the sooner the reaction begins the more severe it is (and this was pretty damn immediate), but it doesn't always happen that way. It also doesn't always happen that because you stave it off once that it won't come back when the level of antihistamine subsides. It can be an anxious time, but all I can do is wait ... which was apt on Sunday as the sermon was all about waiting. Anyway, I'd put the deadly God biscuit in my mouth around 8pm so I had until to get to about midnight before I could relax in knowledge of relative safety. Poor M was so worried, and I think felt quite guilty (though he has no reason to be, because these things will sometimes happen), and he asked me to text him at midnight to let him know that I was still alive, breathing and had a generally functioning body. Several of my friends suggested I have someone sit with me until midnight, which may have been sensible, but I thought I'd be okay (though they could've been fatal last words) and it also felt a bit much to put onto others ... although I'll probably get shouted at by them for saying that if/when they read this. As it happens I was okay. I felt a bit crappy, and I was very itchy all around my mouth, lips and throat, but the swelling of my tongue went down, and my eyes stopped burning so I got on with distracting myself from the other miserable symptoms by slowly packing for my trip up here and also wasting time on Facebook. As expected, I felt lousy in the morning - I always do after an allergic reaction - so my plans to head off for Edinburgh by 1pm at the latest were delayed until 3pm, by which time I was much more able to function. By the time I got here I was fine, but exhausted, which is unusual for me on a 'normal' drive north, but not after a near-miss allergic response. Needless to say, I had a very early night last night and slept like a log. Maybe this morning's lung grumpiness was connected to the allergy, though I doubt it as it was a bit too long after the event.
Anyway, I made it! I survived and catastrophe was avoided. Yay! Phew!
I'm sure you're all hectically busy, as I have been, which is why, yet again, I have neglected you until now. Now that I'm up at Mum's though I can feel the tension finally slipping away, and I'm starting to relax into Christmas.
I spent most of the past week and a bit writing an assignment that was due on by Friday just gone (a stupid time to have an assignment in, if you ask me). Luckily, and quite miraculously, I managed to get it done and sent off into the ether for marking by 5.30pm on Thursday :o) The assignment entailed dramatising the short story I'd written for the previous assignment, for radio, stage or film. I'd originally thought I'd do it for film, but then played around with the idea of radio before finally settling on stage. I was in my usual state of decisiveness ;o) I can't remember if I told you about my first assignment or not, so here's the (very) basic storyline:
Bill and Marion are the parents of a young soldier, Jim, who is fighting out in the Iraq war. They receive a visit from a Casualty Notification Officer telling them of their son's death. On the day of Jim's funeral they get a letter from Jim that he wrote and sent just before he was killed.
As I say, that is the story on a very basic level. The play is a little different in that it deals solely with the morning of the funeral, and rather than concentrating mostly on Marion (as the short story does), it tells more of the story and reactions of all the characters. So there's Bill's coping/not coping by keeping busy and getting tied up in practicalities, but then giving way to his real feelings when Captain John Baites (the CNO) gives him the letter. By the way, the play opens with the arrival of the letter, and Jim's friend, Micky, who's already in the house picking it up off the doormat. He doesn't want to upset B and M so keeps hold of it until the CNO arrives, which is how come he gives it to Bill. There's a little in the play about how the CNO comes to be doing the job and the complexities of it when he didn't know Jim ... Um, then there's a bit of Micky's reaction, and also his relationship to the family as a life-long friend of Jim. And of course, there's Marion's grief and then her reaction to the letter - she goes into a brief state of disbelief that Jim is actually dead seeing as he's sent a letter.
It's not cheery, is it? Not very festive. Maybe that, in addition to having the pressure taken off with having met the assignment deadline, is partly why I'm now able to relax. It's been a slog, but I'm quite pleased with the final thing ... though I reserve all judgement until I get the mark through. I still have some work to do over Christmas, but I'm determined to take a couple of guilt-free study-free days off, and maybe when I come back to it I'll be a little refreshed ... or a little more stuffed with Christmas goodies at least ;oP
.
As I say, I came up to Mum's in Edinburgh yesterday. It's great to be up here, but Mum's not well. She's got 'flu :o( She's a little better than she was last week, but still not well so I think Christmas is going to be a relatively quiet affair. Luckily (for me) I had the 'flu vaccine back in October so I should be okay, but my lungs were quite tight this morning, requiring a double dose of nebulised salbutamol, and not too happy this afternoon either. They've been better this evening than they were earlier in the day, but I'm thinking that I might have to be careful in the next day or so. I have no desire to sample the local hospital, even though it's got a fairly good reputation!
Speaking of avoiding hospital, I had a bit of a close call on Sunday evening. At my church the 'general holy mob' (most of the congregation ;oP ) get normal bread (but consecrated) at communion. I can't have shop-bought bread, because of my allergies, and I can't have the regular host wafers either. I can, though, have the gluten-free wafers, although it's not gluten that's the problem for me, it's the sulphur dioxide/sulphites they use to make the flour used in the regular wafers white. Anyway, on Sunday evening we were having a quiet, reflective, Christmas vigil service with communion, which was all very lovely and going smoothly ... until communion. For a change, the communion bread and wine were being passed around by the congregation to each other, but M (the vicar) had told me that he had mine separate and that he'd give it to me himself. Great. This would have been absolutely fine if only the wafer I was given had not been either the wrong sort or a different brand. Whatever it was, it was different and I very quickly knew it. I managed to avoid swallowing any of it, and while I still had it in my mouth asked M if it was the gluten-free type. He looked a bit worried, then said he thought it was, but suddenly wasn't sure. I got up and we went to the back of church (actually it was about half way up, but it was beyond the horseshoe of pews where the service was taking place) where I quickly spat out the consecrated God biscuit. I'm not sure what God would make of that, or the fact that it then went in the bin, but I didn't have a lot of choice, because already my tongue and lips were fizzing, my mouth was itchy, my throat was itchy and my eyes were beginning to burn. My tongue swelled a bit, and my eyes continued to burn and itch and everything in and around my lips was itchy and sore for quite sometime, but luckily it didn't progress into anaphylaxis. I think it might have done if I'd actually swallowed any of it, and/or if I hadn't immediately taken a double dose of two different antihistamines (as prescribed by my immunologist, not just because I thought it was a good idea!).
After exposure to, or ingestion of, an allergenic substance I have up to four hours in which I could have an anaphylactic reaction. Usually, the sooner the reaction begins the more severe it is (and this was pretty damn immediate), but it doesn't always happen that way. It also doesn't always happen that because you stave it off once that it won't come back when the level of antihistamine subsides. It can be an anxious time, but all I can do is wait ... which was apt on Sunday as the sermon was all about waiting. Anyway, I'd put the deadly God biscuit in my mouth around 8pm so I had until to get to about midnight before I could relax in knowledge of relative safety. Poor M was so worried, and I think felt quite guilty (though he has no reason to be, because these things will sometimes happen), and he asked me to text him at midnight to let him know that I was still alive, breathing and had a generally functioning body. Several of my friends suggested I have someone sit with me until midnight, which may have been sensible, but I thought I'd be okay (though they could've been fatal last words) and it also felt a bit much to put onto others ... although I'll probably get shouted at by them for saying that if/when they read this. As it happens I was okay. I felt a bit crappy, and I was very itchy all around my mouth, lips and throat, but the swelling of my tongue went down, and my eyes stopped burning so I got on with distracting myself from the other miserable symptoms by slowly packing for my trip up here and also wasting time on Facebook. As expected, I felt lousy in the morning - I always do after an allergic reaction - so my plans to head off for Edinburgh by 1pm at the latest were delayed until 3pm, by which time I was much more able to function. By the time I got here I was fine, but exhausted, which is unusual for me on a 'normal' drive north, but not after a near-miss allergic response. Needless to say, I had a very early night last night and slept like a log. Maybe this morning's lung grumpiness was connected to the allergy, though I doubt it as it was a bit too long after the event.
Anyway, I made it! I survived and catastrophe was avoided. Yay! Phew!
Friday, 12 December 2008
Returned
I've neglected you again - sorry. I'm back from Edinburgh now though and feeling somewhat refreshed for it. It's also only another 2 weeks until I'm back up there for Christmas so I have that to look forward to and to keep me going :o) It was good to get away even if it wasn't the trip to London that I'd originally planned, and it was good to do very little while I was away too. I think I just needed a change of scenery and a bit of TLC. I'm still hugely disappointed about the methotrexate decision, but I don't crumple every time I think about it now, though I have to say that I have noticed a difference in how my lungs have felt over the last couple of weeks ... it's kind of like they're smaller. I remember now that when I first started taking the methotrexate I felt as though my lungs were enormous, and that I could take a bigger breath. With the withdrawl of the med I'm losing that feeling of space to breathe. I know that some of the drug will still be in my stystem, and in fact it won't have fully worked its way out for upto three months, so the fact that I can already feel a difference after only almost three weeks since my last dose doesn't really bode well, in my opinion. It's tough, but I have to get my head around the finality of the decision, accept it and move on, otherwise I'll end up getting depressed, and it's not worth that. Nothing is worth depression.
Speaking of depression, before I went up to Edinburgh I was slightly concerned that I was edging towards depression, though I didn't want to admit it 'out loud' in case it made it reality (the weird logic of the stressed mind!). Now that I've had a bit of a break and had a rest I feel as though I've got much more of my old spark back. I was low and miserable before my trip, but I managed to avoid a deep slump, which I'm proud of, because a few years ago I'd have been so scared by the upset I was feeling that I may have actually convinced myself into a depression ... if that makes sense. None of the things that were causing the upset have changed, but I've given myself a bit of time to process some of them, I've even allowed myself to be miserable and tearful when I've needed to be, and I've come through the other side. My friends have been around to support me, pray for me, give me hugs, and all those other things that friends do to let you know you matter, they care, and want to help. They help just by being them :o)
So I have returned from Edinburgh, the feeling of ultra-limited lung capacity has returned, but despite the latter my inner sparkle is returning and that is good. The other thing that has been returned is my exam result. I got it earlier this week. I got a first!!! I got 84% in the exam and an overall course mark of 88% !!! This is flipping amazing! :oO <--- that's me being amazed! I spent quite a bit of time in hospital during this course; wrote at least one of my assignments whilst in hospital, on oxygen, still attached to the aminophylline infusion; only had three weeks to revise for the exam because of being in hospital, and for some of that three weeks I was still trying to recuperate and feeling quite unwell; and you may remember that I had the invigilator from hell who kept talking to me throughout the exam. Various other significant things have happened during the course that have impacted upon my studies too, so it can be said with legitimacy that this has certainly been a difficult year and study hasn't been easy. This is why I'm so amazed at my result ... and utterly delighted :oD
Speaking of depression, before I went up to Edinburgh I was slightly concerned that I was edging towards depression, though I didn't want to admit it 'out loud' in case it made it reality (the weird logic of the stressed mind!). Now that I've had a bit of a break and had a rest I feel as though I've got much more of my old spark back. I was low and miserable before my trip, but I managed to avoid a deep slump, which I'm proud of, because a few years ago I'd have been so scared by the upset I was feeling that I may have actually convinced myself into a depression ... if that makes sense. None of the things that were causing the upset have changed, but I've given myself a bit of time to process some of them, I've even allowed myself to be miserable and tearful when I've needed to be, and I've come through the other side. My friends have been around to support me, pray for me, give me hugs, and all those other things that friends do to let you know you matter, they care, and want to help. They help just by being them :o)
So I have returned from Edinburgh, the feeling of ultra-limited lung capacity has returned, but despite the latter my inner sparkle is returning and that is good. The other thing that has been returned is my exam result. I got it earlier this week. I got a first!!! I got 84% in the exam and an overall course mark of 88% !!! This is flipping amazing! :oO <--- that's me being amazed! I spent quite a bit of time in hospital during this course; wrote at least one of my assignments whilst in hospital, on oxygen, still attached to the aminophylline infusion; only had three weeks to revise for the exam because of being in hospital, and for some of that three weeks I was still trying to recuperate and feeling quite unwell; and you may remember that I had the invigilator from hell who kept talking to me throughout the exam. Various other significant things have happened during the course that have impacted upon my studies too, so it can be said with legitimacy that this has certainly been a difficult year and study hasn't been easy. This is why I'm so amazed at my result ... and utterly delighted :oD
Sunday, 7 December 2008
TLC
Sorry I've been a bit quiet of late and left you on a rather miserable note. I've needed a bit of time to wallow in the fed-upness and just let myself give in to the disappointment, particularly of the methotrexate situation. I'm beginning to come out of the fed-upness now and think that one thing that has helped is coming up to Edinburgh for a few days for some parental TLC. I was actually supposed to be going down to London to stay with my brother and his family, and to meet my 'new' nephew (you may remember he was born in September, but I still haven't had a chance to meet him), but they're all full of colds. Again, because of my lungs, it's not sensible to put myself in the middle of lurgy-ridden places as I pick bugs up so easily and what is a cold to most people usually turns into a lung crisis for me. I was hugely disappointed, and even more fed up with my lungs, not to get to London, but decided that I needed to get away for a bit anyway so have come up to my mother's for a few days. I haven't done very much while I've been here, but it's good to be able to rest and be looked after a little ... and also to play the baby grand piano that she bought a couple of weeks ago almost on the spur of the moment! It's quite an impulse buy, don't you think? But I have to say that it's rather wonderful and beautiful to play so I have been playing it a lot :o)
Today I really must get down to some study. I'm behind again, have an assignment (a dramatisation based on my last assignment) to get done by 19th, and I'm panicking a little now. Mind you, the general panic of study isn't helped by waiting for my exam results from the English Lit course, which are due any day now - Friday by the latest. I'm finding it really hard to settle down to work while I'm waiting on these results, which is silly really as there's absolutely nothing I can do about them now, and also I'm fairly certain that I've passed, it's just what level of pass I'll get. Eek! So yes, today I need to do some study. This should actually be helped by being at Mum's and on the receiving end of TLC asI don't have to do anything else much. I always feel like I should help with the cooking etc, but Mum gets a bit hassled if she does concede to let anyone help and actually prefers just to get on with it herself. At least she enjoys it :o)
Hmm, well I suppose I should go and get on with that study I've been talking about. You know, I could have a degree in procrastination ... if only I get around to it ;o)
Today I really must get down to some study. I'm behind again, have an assignment (a dramatisation based on my last assignment) to get done by 19th, and I'm panicking a little now. Mind you, the general panic of study isn't helped by waiting for my exam results from the English Lit course, which are due any day now - Friday by the latest. I'm finding it really hard to settle down to work while I'm waiting on these results, which is silly really as there's absolutely nothing I can do about them now, and also I'm fairly certain that I've passed, it's just what level of pass I'll get. Eek! So yes, today I need to do some study. This should actually be helped by being at Mum's and on the receiving end of TLC asI don't have to do anything else much. I always feel like I should help with the cooking etc, but Mum gets a bit hassled if she does concede to let anyone help and actually prefers just to get on with it herself. At least she enjoys it :o)
Hmm, well I suppose I should go and get on with that study I've been talking about. You know, I could have a degree in procrastination ... if only I get around to it ;o)
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