On the way down

My lungs are failing me. They've been on the way down for several days and I don't think it'll be too long now till the big splat happens and I end up in hospital. I have to be thankful that I had a good time away without any health crises, but it's a bit pants that it's all going pear-shaped now. Mind you, this does sometimes happen - I get through something that I've been looking forward to for a while and then end up splatting.

I emailed the ward's Charge Nurse this afternoon to let him know where things are up to and warn him that I may be making my way to the ward before long. I've no idea if he's on shift today, or even if he is if it's an office day for him, but I know that he'll get back to me when he can. Sometimes this has been when I've actually been on the ward though and we've ended up emailing each other from opposite ends of the ward ;o)

So as things stand at the moment, my prednisolone (steroids) are at 60mg, my pre neb peak flows are around 80 and post neb peak flows have been up as high as 150. It's this post nebuliser figure that's keeping me from going in just yet, because although it's rubbish, it could be worse, and most usually is by the time I end up in hospital. I can survive at 150. Not so much at 80 though, which is why I feel a bit stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm sure I'm going to end up in hospital, and it probably won't be too far in the future, but as ever, there's nothing that can be done until I hit crisis so for now I have to sit and wait ... and conserve my energy for the fight for my life that lies ahead. It's not a great position to be in, and to be honest it doesn't help much that I've been here so many times before. You never get used to waiting for a battle with your mortality.