Which way?

I'm struggling with my lungs.  I've been struggling on and off since the beginning of the year, but it's getting worse.  Getting to sleep is a real problem, and once I do eventually get to sleep I keep being woken with a tight chest and wheezing.  I'm tired from it and tired of it.  I'm not yet needing to go to hospital, and there's still a chance that it might improve ... or perhaps that's wishful thinking.

Last night was bad.  This morning was bad.  The early afternoon was bad.  I spent the day in bad until 6pm, and then only migrated to the sofa in the sitting room to watch telly and to be up when W came round to say hello.  This evening has actually been a little better, but I'm still wheezing despite all the nebs.

I have a horrible feeling about this.  I have a slight panic whirling around inside, as though my body is preparing itself for an assault, a fight.  The night before last I was bradycardic with a pulse rate of only 48 bpm, which I've noticed often happens a little while before a big asthma attack.  I don't know why it happens, and neither does my consultant, although he was interested to hear about it.  Because of this, I'm not really sure whether or not to take the ivabradine that I'm prescribed for POTS as it reduces my heart rate (that's it's purpose).  Most of the time I still need it, and I get very symptomatic with a multitude of symptoms if I don't take it, but should I take it when there's a chance of periods of bradycardia?  The other thing to consider is, that when I'm in the throes of a severe asthma attack, conversely to this pre-attack time, my heart rate can go extremely high, which is also dangerous.  If I take the ivabradine as prescribed then my heart rate doesn't usually go to the high extremes it will without it, although this reduced tachycardia often confuses medics in the emergency situation as tachycardia is a symptom of a severe asthma attack.  It's all so complex.

As for what I'm going to do about my lungs, I don't know.  I suppose my plan is as always and to see what happens, but I hate this waiting, and I hate the exhaustion that comes with difficulty with breathing.  It consumes everything, because while I can do other things, at least part of my mind is always occupied with the act of breathing, which is exhausting in itself.

I saw the GP last week about the vitamin D preparation issue (I'm now waiting for a phone call from the GP surgery's pharmacist).  Even though I go to the surgery in my wheelchair - Noah - I like to walk from the waiting room to the consulting room.  When I did this last week I had to take a seat and a breather before I could speak to the doctor about why I was there.  We didn't talk about my breathing at all, not that I really saw any reason to as my GP can't do anything more for me until I need an ambulance, or in the event of an infection he can prescribe antibiotics.

Last night I thought that I had a high temperature, but it was only 37.4C, which is up a little, but nothing to worry about, and I don't think I've got an infection.  Saying that, W wasn't quite so sure about that when she came over this evening ... She also reckons I'll end up in hospital fairly soon.  She might be right, though I'm hoping otherwise.  Am I being unrealistic?

I don't know.

I may be seeing a doctor of some variety in the near future :o(