It's that time again when many of us take some time to look back at the year that has been. 2013 has been a difficult year for me, but I'm still going to do the annual review, so here goes...
1. What has been your biggest achievement this year? Probably just surviving it. It's been tough in many different ways, and there were lots of times when I really doubted that I would get through. I'm still alive, and I reckon that's a huge achievement for this year.
2. What made you laugh most this year? Hmm ... I've had some good laughs with friends, particularly R and M. Other than that, probably (repeats of) the TV show 'Miranda'. Oh, and I went to see Eddie Izzard earlier in the year too, and he was very funny.
3. What unfulfilled hopes do you have for this past year? I really wanted to get my book about my asthma finished, but I had a long, long time this year when I wasn't able to write at all. I've done a bit to add to it, but not enough.
4. What has been your favourite/most listened to piece of music this year? Hmm, tricky ... Probably not one single piece of music. I've gone back to listening to a lot of church choral music this year, maybe because I've done more singing again. I miss taking part in that kind of music, making the music, but I do love listening to it, so I've listened to a lot of CDs of excellent church/cathedral choirs singing anthems and canticles.
5. What was your best holiday this year? I've only had one holiday this year - when I went to Dorset, with stop-offs on the way and way back at Stratford and Derbyshire. It was excellent, and revitalising.
6. What new skill, if any, have you acquired this year? I'm not sure that I have. I'll have a think and get back to you if I come up with anything, but I'm not sure there's anything.
7. What's the best book you've read this year? Oh gosh. I usually read a lot, but for much of this year I found it very difficult to concentrate on reading so I've only read about eight books! However, the best of those was probably 'Tuesdays with Morrie' by Mitch Albom. It's a memoir based around Mitch Albom's weekly meetings with his old university professor who now, twenty years after their first meeting, is dying. It's a moving book, with both sadness and joy, but always full of life.
8. What has been the biggest challenge of this year? Depression and the various reasons behind it, but particularly one very difficult situation that I haven't been able to write about on my blog, but that had repercussions through many aspects of my life. In some rather complicated ways it got kind of tangled up with physical health stuff as well as depression, but things are at last settling.
9. What is your happiest/fondest memory of this year? Despite the year's difficulties, I've been extremely lucky to have the friends I do, and my fondest memories of this year are those of fabulous friends who have shown me such love and gentleness, often at times when I was at my lowest.
10. Of what one creation of the past year are you most proud or pleased? I'm pretty pleased with some of the writing I have managed to do for my book, maybe in part because it's been so challenging to write, but if we're thinking of more artistic creations then I guess the piece of glass that I made at a glass workshop in November. So far as skill is concerned, there was very little in it, but I know the frame of mind I had been in the morning of that day, how insecure and incapable I'd been feeling. I got the fired pieces back just before Christmas, and I'm really pleased with the main piece that I spent most of the workshop working on.
11. What new hobby did you take up/old hobby did you reinstate this year? Singing. Actually, that's not strictly true, because I helped to start up Flotsam (the choir) at the end of 2012, but I've kept at it this year, despite the hospital admissions and various health problems. This year I also took part in the Christmas choir at church, which I haven't done for about three years. We don't usually have a choir at the church I go to, but every year at Christmas those of us who want have six or seven rehearsals in the weeks running up to Christmas and 'perform' at the service of Nine Lessons and Carols. It was lovely to be a part of that again.
12. What one thing would you really like to do next year? Finish writing my book about my asthma.
13. What was the saddest thing of this year? There has been a lot of sadness this year. One was at the beginning of the year when my dad had to move in to a care home; another, just a few short weeks ago, was the death of my wonderful friend Caroline.
14. What has been your best discovery of this year? Probably the company Good Wine Online who specialise in sulphite-free and low-sulphite wines. I'm extremely allergic to sulphites and have missed having a glass of wine, because sulphite-free wines are practically impossible to find in the shops. I was very, very lucky to be given a case of twelve bottles of wine from GWO from my brother and sister-in-law for Christmas.
15. What news story of this year has had the biggest impact on you/do you most remember? Gosh, a year of many news stories, with many of them being of particular note. Possibly the two international news stories that I most remember are 1) The chemical weapons attack on the children in Syria; and 2) The gunmen's siege of the shopping centre in South Africa. Having said that, the news of Nelson Mandela's death was also significant. I think a lot of the news stories about freak weather events, both abroad and in the UK, have also had a big impact on me - things that no-one can prevent and have potential to affect all regardless of status or wealth. There seem to be increasing numbers of wild weather events causing widespread devastation.
16. What's the best film you've seen this year? Another year when I haven't seen even half of the films I've wanted to see. I've yet to see Philomena or Gravity, both of which or on my list to see before it's too late. Perhaps the best film I saw this year was Les Miserables.
17. What was your best buy this year? I think that has to be my Ugg boots. Obviously I didn't get much wear from them through the summer, but they were great through the very cold spring and excellent again now. My mum helped me buy them, and they were at her suggestion after I got frostbite in three of my toes in my left foot in February (actually, the night I went to see Les Miserables at the cinema). My big toe has never fully recovered, and the circulation in my feet seems to be pretty poor, but the Ugg boots certainly help to keep my feet cosy.
18. What has been your best day out this year? I was thinking about this in bed earlier today, trying to think of days out that I've had, and you know, they've been rather few and far between this year. I had a nice day out with my brother, Dad, and step-mum around Easter time (I think my brother came up on his own, without his wife or children). We went to Belsay and had a walk/trundle through the quarry garden to the castle. Other than that, the other day/part-day out that sticks out was the glass workshop I mentioned earlier.
19. If there’s one thing you did this year that you’d do differently if you could, what would it be? There was a misunderstanding and over-reaction (on my part) that led to an argument with an online friend. It was resolved relatively quickly with the person it was actually with, but someone else jumped in on the act and raised it again months later. If I could change that initial argument, misunderstanding, and over-reaction, I would.
20. Is there anywhere you'd like to visit next year? Yes, there's a place nearby that opened almost two years ago, but to which I haven't yet been and want to. It's a sculptured landscape called Northumberlandia and is only about 20 minutes drive away so I really don't have any excuse.
21. Name one thing you did this year that you'd like to do again? The glass workshop. Once I let go of the mangle of stuff in my head that day, I had a wonderful time and thoroughly enjoyed it. I know that I will do it again because I got a voucher for Christmas from my step-dad for a full day's workshop at the same place :o)
22. Who gave you the best advice this year? My psychologist. She's given me lots of advice, or at least helped me to find my own advice, seeing as that's how therapy kind of works. Actually, one of the best pieces of advice she did clearly give me was to share with my friends that I was depressed. I was distancing myself from people, from my friends, in the fear that they'd distance themselves from me if they knew that I was depressed. S made me realise the paradox in this and helped me to question the helpfulness of my action. She suggested I tell some of them. I have been blessed with wonderful friends who have embraced me in my depression and loved me through it. I know it's not easy for them, but they've stayed with me all the same. I thank God for them, and I thank S for her advice.
23. What new skill would you like to acquire next year? I've forgotten the scraps of crochet that I learnt last year, but I'd like to learn to do it, and this time properly. I need to persevere with it once I've started, and really acquire it as a skill.
24. What was your favourite TV/radio programme this year? Broadchurch I think I missed the first episode, but I saw the second with my mum and J when they were staying with me for a couple of days. I got completely sucked in to it and loved it. I was ridiculously excited when I discovered that West Bay, near where I went on my holiday, was where Broadchurch was filmed. Fab. Can't wait for a second series.
25. What would you like to make more time for next year? Writing. I have lots of time. In many ways, far too much time, but I need to make sure that I dedicate a decent amount of that time to writing. I need to stop thinking about it and just do it. I need to stop talking about it and just do it. I just need to do it.
26. What has been the biggest disappointment this year? Most of the year has been a huge disappointment, and perhaps the resurgence of depression has been one of the biggest disappointments. Some of the causes of some of that depression have maybe been bigger disappointments, but I suppose that ultimately I've been hugely disappointed in myself. I have lost direction and lost some of myself, and that is an enormous disappointment.
27. What was the best or most enjoyable concert you went to this year? Nigel Kennedy He's an odd chap, but a fantastic violinist, and his concert was amazing. A huge mix of straight baroque, jazzed up baroque, and jazz, with a big eastern European influence at times.
28. What do you think was the best thing that you did for yourself during the last year? Stood my ground when I needed to, even though it was incredibly difficult. I sought the help that I needed to stand my ground, and to get through the protracted aftermath of it. It was terrible in many ways, but has also been a huge relief - a step to getting myself back.
29. What is the biggest difference in yourself from this time last year? I'm no longer in an abusive situation and I'm finding my way through the damage that was done.
30. What are you most looking forward to about next year? Time with friends and time with family. It's both my mum's and step-dad's 70th birthdays next year, and between the two they're having a joint birthday week away with all the family. There's going to be immediate family like myself, my brothers, and my step-dad's brothers, but also extended family of my step-dad's nephews and their families. I think various people will be coming and going through the week, but there's going to be one day of particular celebration when all those who can only come for the day will join us. I'm really looking forward to the time away and the time with family.
3. What unfulfilled hopes do you have for this past year? I really wanted to get my book about my asthma finished, but I had a long, long time this year when I wasn't able to write at all. I've done a bit to add to it, but not enough.
4. What has been your favourite/most listened to piece of music this year? Hmm, tricky ... Probably not one single piece of music. I've gone back to listening to a lot of church choral music this year, maybe because I've done more singing again. I miss taking part in that kind of music, making the music, but I do love listening to it, so I've listened to a lot of CDs of excellent church/cathedral choirs singing anthems and canticles.
5. What was your best holiday this year? I've only had one holiday this year - when I went to Dorset, with stop-offs on the way and way back at Stratford and Derbyshire. It was excellent, and revitalising.
6. What new skill, if any, have you acquired this year? I'm not sure that I have. I'll have a think and get back to you if I come up with anything, but I'm not sure there's anything.
7. What's the best book you've read this year? Oh gosh. I usually read a lot, but for much of this year I found it very difficult to concentrate on reading so I've only read about eight books! However, the best of those was probably 'Tuesdays with Morrie' by Mitch Albom. It's a memoir based around Mitch Albom's weekly meetings with his old university professor who now, twenty years after their first meeting, is dying. It's a moving book, with both sadness and joy, but always full of life.
8. What has been the biggest challenge of this year? Depression and the various reasons behind it, but particularly one very difficult situation that I haven't been able to write about on my blog, but that had repercussions through many aspects of my life. In some rather complicated ways it got kind of tangled up with physical health stuff as well as depression, but things are at last settling.
9. What is your happiest/fondest memory of this year? Despite the year's difficulties, I've been extremely lucky to have the friends I do, and my fondest memories of this year are those of fabulous friends who have shown me such love and gentleness, often at times when I was at my lowest.
10. Of what one creation of the past year are you most proud or pleased? I'm pretty pleased with some of the writing I have managed to do for my book, maybe in part because it's been so challenging to write, but if we're thinking of more artistic creations then I guess the piece of glass that I made at a glass workshop in November. So far as skill is concerned, there was very little in it, but I know the frame of mind I had been in the morning of that day, how insecure and incapable I'd been feeling. I got the fired pieces back just before Christmas, and I'm really pleased with the main piece that I spent most of the workshop working on.
11. What new hobby did you take up/old hobby did you reinstate this year? Singing. Actually, that's not strictly true, because I helped to start up Flotsam (the choir) at the end of 2012, but I've kept at it this year, despite the hospital admissions and various health problems. This year I also took part in the Christmas choir at church, which I haven't done for about three years. We don't usually have a choir at the church I go to, but every year at Christmas those of us who want have six or seven rehearsals in the weeks running up to Christmas and 'perform' at the service of Nine Lessons and Carols. It was lovely to be a part of that again.
12. What one thing would you really like to do next year? Finish writing my book about my asthma.
13. What was the saddest thing of this year? There has been a lot of sadness this year. One was at the beginning of the year when my dad had to move in to a care home; another, just a few short weeks ago, was the death of my wonderful friend Caroline.
14. What has been your best discovery of this year? Probably the company Good Wine Online who specialise in sulphite-free and low-sulphite wines. I'm extremely allergic to sulphites and have missed having a glass of wine, because sulphite-free wines are practically impossible to find in the shops. I was very, very lucky to be given a case of twelve bottles of wine from GWO from my brother and sister-in-law for Christmas.
15. What news story of this year has had the biggest impact on you/do you most remember? Gosh, a year of many news stories, with many of them being of particular note. Possibly the two international news stories that I most remember are 1) The chemical weapons attack on the children in Syria; and 2) The gunmen's siege of the shopping centre in South Africa. Having said that, the news of Nelson Mandela's death was also significant. I think a lot of the news stories about freak weather events, both abroad and in the UK, have also had a big impact on me - things that no-one can prevent and have potential to affect all regardless of status or wealth. There seem to be increasing numbers of wild weather events causing widespread devastation.
16. What's the best film you've seen this year? Another year when I haven't seen even half of the films I've wanted to see. I've yet to see Philomena or Gravity, both of which or on my list to see before it's too late. Perhaps the best film I saw this year was Les Miserables.
17. What was your best buy this year? I think that has to be my Ugg boots. Obviously I didn't get much wear from them through the summer, but they were great through the very cold spring and excellent again now. My mum helped me buy them, and they were at her suggestion after I got frostbite in three of my toes in my left foot in February (actually, the night I went to see Les Miserables at the cinema). My big toe has never fully recovered, and the circulation in my feet seems to be pretty poor, but the Ugg boots certainly help to keep my feet cosy.
18. What has been your best day out this year? I was thinking about this in bed earlier today, trying to think of days out that I've had, and you know, they've been rather few and far between this year. I had a nice day out with my brother, Dad, and step-mum around Easter time (I think my brother came up on his own, without his wife or children). We went to Belsay and had a walk/trundle through the quarry garden to the castle. Other than that, the other day/part-day out that sticks out was the glass workshop I mentioned earlier.
19. If there’s one thing you did this year that you’d do differently if you could, what would it be? There was a misunderstanding and over-reaction (on my part) that led to an argument with an online friend. It was resolved relatively quickly with the person it was actually with, but someone else jumped in on the act and raised it again months later. If I could change that initial argument, misunderstanding, and over-reaction, I would.
20. Is there anywhere you'd like to visit next year? Yes, there's a place nearby that opened almost two years ago, but to which I haven't yet been and want to. It's a sculptured landscape called Northumberlandia and is only about 20 minutes drive away so I really don't have any excuse.
21. Name one thing you did this year that you'd like to do again? The glass workshop. Once I let go of the mangle of stuff in my head that day, I had a wonderful time and thoroughly enjoyed it. I know that I will do it again because I got a voucher for Christmas from my step-dad for a full day's workshop at the same place :o)
22. Who gave you the best advice this year? My psychologist. She's given me lots of advice, or at least helped me to find my own advice, seeing as that's how therapy kind of works. Actually, one of the best pieces of advice she did clearly give me was to share with my friends that I was depressed. I was distancing myself from people, from my friends, in the fear that they'd distance themselves from me if they knew that I was depressed. S made me realise the paradox in this and helped me to question the helpfulness of my action. She suggested I tell some of them. I have been blessed with wonderful friends who have embraced me in my depression and loved me through it. I know it's not easy for them, but they've stayed with me all the same. I thank God for them, and I thank S for her advice.
23. What new skill would you like to acquire next year? I've forgotten the scraps of crochet that I learnt last year, but I'd like to learn to do it, and this time properly. I need to persevere with it once I've started, and really acquire it as a skill.
24. What was your favourite TV/radio programme this year? Broadchurch I think I missed the first episode, but I saw the second with my mum and J when they were staying with me for a couple of days. I got completely sucked in to it and loved it. I was ridiculously excited when I discovered that West Bay, near where I went on my holiday, was where Broadchurch was filmed. Fab. Can't wait for a second series.
25. What would you like to make more time for next year? Writing. I have lots of time. In many ways, far too much time, but I need to make sure that I dedicate a decent amount of that time to writing. I need to stop thinking about it and just do it. I need to stop talking about it and just do it. I just need to do it.
26. What has been the biggest disappointment this year? Most of the year has been a huge disappointment, and perhaps the resurgence of depression has been one of the biggest disappointments. Some of the causes of some of that depression have maybe been bigger disappointments, but I suppose that ultimately I've been hugely disappointed in myself. I have lost direction and lost some of myself, and that is an enormous disappointment.
27. What was the best or most enjoyable concert you went to this year? Nigel Kennedy He's an odd chap, but a fantastic violinist, and his concert was amazing. A huge mix of straight baroque, jazzed up baroque, and jazz, with a big eastern European influence at times.
28. What do you think was the best thing that you did for yourself during the last year? Stood my ground when I needed to, even though it was incredibly difficult. I sought the help that I needed to stand my ground, and to get through the protracted aftermath of it. It was terrible in many ways, but has also been a huge relief - a step to getting myself back.
29. What is the biggest difference in yourself from this time last year? I'm no longer in an abusive situation and I'm finding my way through the damage that was done.
30. What are you most looking forward to about next year? Time with friends and time with family. It's both my mum's and step-dad's 70th birthdays next year, and between the two they're having a joint birthday week away with all the family. There's going to be immediate family like myself, my brothers, and my step-dad's brothers, but also extended family of my step-dad's nephews and their families. I think various people will be coming and going through the week, but there's going to be one day of particular celebration when all those who can only come for the day will join us. I'm really looking forward to the time away and the time with family.
