Review of 2014

*peeps around the corner*
*whispers* Hello... I'm still here... I've been a bit busy... Sorry about that.  I'm back now, and I intend on being more productive here this year.  In the meantime, seeing as I'm here, I'm going to do my annual review of the year, but seeing as there's not a lot of point in reviewing this year, with only being three days into it, I'll do the more typical thing of reviewing the year that was, using the same questions I set for my previous Review of the Year.

1. What has been your biggest achievement this year?

Probably gaining a position as a lay reviewer for Asthma UK.  This is a new thing for me, only gaining it three or four weeks ago.  I was one of many applicants throughout the country for about five lay reviewer positions, and went through a process of application form, short-listing, telephone interview, and selection.  I was greatly surprised and hugely delighted to be successful, and I'm looking forward to getting started in a few weeks time.  It's a voluntary position that I can do from home, will involve a lot of reading, and some teleconferencing.  As a lay reviewer I'll be on a panel of other lay reviewers, scientist, and medics, who will collectively decide which of the many research proposals put forward to Asthma UK are granted funded from the charity.  It means a lot to me to have got this position, because it means that finally my experience and knowledge of asthma will be put to good use, and has potential to be a part of something that changes and develops treatment and management of the disease.
2. What made you laugh most this year?

Hmm, I always seem to have trouble with this one.  It's not that I don't laugh through the year, it's that I have trouble remembering what the hilarity was about.  Let me think...I know that I've had some very silly conversations with my mum through the year that caused us both a lot of laughter.  Again, I can't remember what these times were about, but most likely they were plays on words that probably ended up being a bit rude ;)

3. What unfulfilled hopes do you have for this past year?

Writing.  I didn't get much done at all this past year, which my blog reflects with only four posts for 2014.  I'm sorry about that, but I'm mostly sorry that I haven't been in an emotional place where writing has felt very possible.  I'm still emerging from the horrible thing that 2013 was, but I'm a great deal better than I was this time last year, and I'm hopeful that I will be able to write this year.
4. What has been your favourite/most listened to piece of music this year?

I have an eclectic taste in music, my listening has reflected that, but certainly at the back end of 2014 I listened a lot to the Peter, Paul, and Mary track 'Jane Jane'.  It's a piece I first sang as a teenager with the Swing Bridge Singers, and which I've been singing again this autumn and winter with my current choir, Flotsam.  I love it, particularly the arrangement we do by Scottee (MD of both Swing Bridge Singers and Flotsam).
5. What was your best holiday this year?

I had a few trips up to Edinburgh through the year, but my only real holiday was a family holiday to Shropshire in May for my mum and step-dad's seventieth birthdays.  It was very lovely, and great to spend time with all the family.
6. What new skill, if any, have you acquired this year?

Crochet!  I had decided that this was something I really wanted to learn in 2014, and then in February/March my friend Ruth said she also wanted to learn.  Ruth had a couple of months off work recovering from surgery so we got together during that time and taught ourselves to crochet from a fab little book I'd bought. We learnt all the basics together and then went our separate ways with it, and now I'll give almost anything a go.  I am completely addicted and find it very relaxing.
7. What's the best book you've read this year?

I think probably 'The Music Room' by William Fiennes, which I was given for my birthday.
8. What has been the biggest challenge of this year?

Emotionally surviving.  There has been a lot of stress and unhappiness in the last twelve months, with several deaths, and a number of very difficult situations.
9. What is your happiest/fondest memory of this year?

Hmm, despite the upsets and difficulties of the year, there have also been many good things.  I have lots of lovely memories of times with friends and times with family, especially my nephews.
10. Of what one creation of the past year are you most proud or pleased?

Probably some of my crochet creations, and probably one of these:

11. What new hobby did you take up/old hobby did you reinstate this year?

I took up two hobbies this year, one I've already talked about - crochet; the other is geocaching, which is basically an on-going international treasure hunt using GPS.  I love that it gets me out and about, discovering new places (even locally), rediscovering old places, even just going to places I usually go to but looking at it a different way because I'm on the hunt for the 'treasure' - the cache.  I've also enjoyed setting a couple of caches myself and making some new friends too.
12. What one thing would you really like to do next year?

I'd like to write.  I'd like to make good progress with my book.  I'd like to crochet some warm hats, scarves, and gloves/mittens for homeless folk.  I'd like to find all the mulitcaches in the city centre.  Lots of things, not just one thing.
13. What was the saddest thing of this year?

Oh, lots of death at the beginning of the year.  It started with the death of a friend of twenty-five years and more in January, then the tragic and unexpected death of one of my cousins at the beginning of April, and nine days later the death of my gorgeous and ever-characterful cat Zachariah Zebedee.
14. What has been your best discovery of this year?

In a very literal way, I was delighted to discover a particularly tricky geocache at East Cramlington Nature Reserve, in fact it was the first one I went hunting for there and it took me at least 25 minutes to locate it.
15. What news story of this year has had the biggest impact on you/do you most remember?

Gosh, there have been so many terrible things in the news ... I think the bleakness and such widespread impact of the Ebola crisis in Western Africa has been just terrible...still is terrible. 16. What's the best film you've seen this year?

I didn't see many films at the cinema this/last year, but I did see 'What We Did On Our Holiday' and absolutely loved it.
17. What was your best buy this year?

Isobel! My gorgeous kitten.  Strictly speaking I didn't buy her because she was bought for me by some beautifully-hearted friends, but I think she still counts for this question.  Here she is lying on my legs last night.

18. What has been your best day out this year?

You know what, I've had many good days out this year, a lot of them doing geocaching.  I had a fabulous day with my new friends Helen and Carrie doing geocaching in the Tyne Valley, and another in Chopwell Woods.  I had a great day geocaching up near Morpeth with my friend Ruth too.  However, I think all the fabulous days I've had geocaching are just about pipped by a day with my dad at Rising Sun Country Park.  It was so special to spend some time with him, just the two of us, and to see him enjoying himself.
19. If there’s one thing you did this year that you’d do differently if you could, what would it be?

I'm not sure ... There was something that came up in my therapy sessions with my psychologist that caused me a great deal of stress as it looked as though some old demons might be forced to the fore.  I had several weeks of stressful uncertainty, and perhaps I would approach things differently if I were to go through that again ... but I'm not sure that I would have any choice in the matter, as I don't think I really did this time.  Difficult.
20. Is there anywhere you'd like to visit next year?

Um, possibly Derbyshire.  I spent a few nights in Derbyshire at the end of my Dorset holiday in 2013, but there's a lot of it to see and I wasn't there long enough to see very much of it.  Also, the triceratops hat I made (shown in one of the photos above) is for the young son of a friend in Derbyshire so it would be lovely to give that to them myself.  I would also like to visit my brother and family who are in Cambridgeshire, especially as they gave me identical twin nieces as an early Christmas present at the end of November.

21. Name one thing you did this year that you'd like to do again?

Take Dad for another day out.  It's not easy with my limited mobility and Dad's own disabilities, but we did manage it a couple of times in 2014, and I think if I find the right places to go, it should be possible again.
22. Who gave you the best advice this year?

Probably my psychologist.  She's helped me through a huge amount of stress, difficulties, and upsets through the year, and at times that's included giving advice for management and survival between appointments.
23. What new skill would you like to acquire next year?

I might like to try Tunisian crochet, which is sort of an extension of crochet knowledge, whilst also being a new skill itself.
24. What was your favourite TV/radio programme this year?

Oo, there's been quite a lot of good telly this year.  I really enjoyed 'The Wrong Mans', and then there was ... oh, what's it called? It was set in Yorkshire and had what'shername in as a police officer ... 'Happy Valley'!  Yes, 'Happy Valley' was great too.
25. What would you like to make more time for next year?

Two things - writing, and my dad.  If I am to try to write I need first to make time for it, even if I sit doing nothing for a while before I find a way back into it. As for Dad, I haven't made enough time for him in recent months, mainly because I find it so upsetting to see him in such a deteriorated state, but I'm also aware that it's the coward's response to avoid the difficult things.  I want to make the most of whatever time he has left, but I also want those times to be good.  I find it particularly difficult when I go to see him in the care home and I'm searching for something to talk about and not knowing quite what response I'll get from him, so I want to take him out.  I want to take him places I know he will enjoy, but where I can manage him too, places we can enjoy together, that just being there initiates conversation, places that will form good memories together.
26. What has been the biggest disappointment this year?

I'm not sure.  To be honest I can't immediately think of any major disappointments, except that of not writing.  I'm sure there have been things that I've missed due to illness that I was disappointed about at the time, but I can't now remember what they were.  Perhaps that's a good thing.
27. What was the best or most enjoyable concert you went to this year?

I haven't been to many concerts in the past twelve months, but I did go to a great one of music from Oscar winning films, hosted by Barry Norman.  The concert was at Sage Gateshead and I went with my friends Rachel and Marc.
28. What do you think was the best thing that you did for yourself during the last year?

Went to see my GP early when I suspected I might be developing diabetes.  I was lucky that it turned out I had Impaired Glucose Tolerance, rather than full diabetes, when I first went to the doctor, but my early action meant that it could be watched closely, so as soon as it reached a level that diabetes was diagnosed, the wheels of diabetes management/education could be put in motion. 
29. What is the biggest difference in yourself from this time last year?

I'm not as depressed as I was.  In fact, I'd say that I'm low rather than depressed, and not so low that it often causes me a great deal of distress.  I hide myself away sometimes still, which is counter productive, especially as I sometimes find myself getting lonely too...
30. What are you most looking forward to about next year?

Meeting my twin nieces, starting the Asthma UK lay reviewing, getting out and about with more geocaching, hopefully with friends.

Review of the year 2012

I know this is a little late, but I was very busy in the immediate run-up to New Year, and I've been wiped out since.  Still, I thought that late was better than never, so here it is: the review of the year for 2012

1. What has been your biggest achievement this year?

Getting my MA. It was worth the work, but I've been exhausted much of the time, battling with various aspects of ill-health, so it was something of a miracle that I got through the MA and did so well.

2. What made you laugh most this year?

Probably a very drunken night (which is unusual for me) with W doing origami.  For some reason - probably because of the alcohol - it was hilarious.

3. What unfulfilled hopes do you have for this past year?

To finish my book about my asthma and my hospital experiences.

4. What has been your favourite/most listened to piece of music this year?

Not one piece of music, but one (or rather two) CDs.  I've mentioned the Swing Bridge Singers before, and back at the beginning of 2008 I wrote about the 20th Anniversary concert that had just taken place.  That concert was recorded, and I ordered the CDs, but it took until this June to get them!  Those CDs were the only CDs in my car for at least two months, so it's safe to say that they have been the most listened to pieces of music for me in 2012.

5. What was your best holiday this year?

I enjoyed both my holidays this year - one in June with my mum and J in Northumberland, and one in September in Norfolk with W.  They offered different things so it's hard to say which was best.

6. What new skill, if any, have you acquired this year?

Crochet, sort of.  I've learnt the basics of how to do it, and I've made a small mat, though I don't really know what it's a mat for.  However, since making that I seem to have been unable to make a square with straight edges :o/  I'll have another go.

7. What's the best book you've read this year?

For some reason I only read 12 books last year, which is a bit lax for me.  Anyway, out of those 12, the best was probably a book for teens, 'My Name is Mina' by David Almond.  Definitely worth a read, and don't at all be put off by it being a book for teens.

8. What has been the biggest challenge of this year?

As ever, my health has been the biggest challenge.  In fact so much has happened since I posted 'Something else' that I really need to update you all, but not tonight.

9. What is your happiest/fondest memory of this year?

In question 4 I talked about the Swing Bridge Singers 20th Anniversary concert.  We've just had the Jubilee concert marking 25 years - one of the reasons I've been so exhausted since I got back from Edinburgh as the concert was on 30th December.  It was absolutely fantastic, and after some very difficult times before Christmas it was definitely the happiest I've been for a long while.

10. Of what one creation of the past year are you most proud or pleased?

The second cross stitch in a series of three in a Japanese style.  I'm currently working on the third in the series.  The second one was of 'Birds in Wisteria'.

11. What new hobby did you take up/old hobby did you reinstate this year?

Singing.  It's obviously a reinstating of an old hobby, but now that we've started Flotsam I'm singing in a structured way again, i.e. in a choir, and I'm loving it.

12. What one thing would you really like to do next year?

I would really like to finish both my current books and at least start along the track of getting them published.  However, at the moment I have an horrific problem - the memory stick on which  both my books are saved suddenly seems to have become corrupted!  I am having a slight meltdown about this, and I'm hoping beyond all hope that it can be saved.  Thankfully I have most of the important stuff on it printed out, but the thought of retyping all that work before I can continue on with it fills me with dread.

13. What was the saddest thing of this year?

Seeing someone I love disappearing in to dementia.  It's terrible, and there's been a rapid decline in the last twelve months.

14. What has been your best discovery of this year?

That it seems that I might, possibly, maybe, actually be able to write for children.  I mean, write in a child-friendly way with stories that they like.  Writing for children was excluded from either of the creative writing modules in my undergraduate degree, although it was something I always wanted to do.  It's been great to have the opportunity to try it in my MA and find that I seem to be okay at it.

15. What news story of this year has had the biggest impact on you/do you most remember?

The one that had the biggest emotional impact on me was probably the recent shootings in Conneticut.  They were so tragic, so terrible, so needless, so devastating.

16. What's the best film you've seen this year?

I've hardly been to the cinema at all this year.  Three times in all, I think.  One of those films was 'The Artist', which was masterful!

17. What was your best buy this year?

I would say my car, but as it's a Motability car then I haven't really bought it.  All the same, that will be my answer.  It's fantastic to have a car in which I can get my electric wheelchair - it's given me back my freedom.  I've already done more miles in it since the end of June, than I did in sixteen months of having my previous car simply because I can get my wheelchair in to it and be completely independent again.

18. What has been your best day out this year?

Most likely the Friday towards the end of August when I first went to County Durham to see my older Godson the day before his birthday, and then I went up to Beamish Museum for the Paralympic Flame Event.  I didn't get to carry the flame, but as I'd been nominated to do so I got a VIP ticket to attend, and I had a fabulous time.

19. If there’s one thing you did this year that you’d do differently if you could, what would it be?

A difficult situation that I didn't deal with as well as I would have liked.

20. Is there anywhere you'd like to visit next year?

I would like to venture to the south coast again.  I think I said that last year, actually, and I didn't quite make it that far, but yes, I'd like to go somewhere along the south coast that I haven't been to in previous travels.  I may even take a holiday on my own down that way.

21. Name one thing you did this year that you'd like to do again?

Hmmm, it's been a strange old year so it's a difficult question... There's a place just a little way out of Edinburgh that I went to with Mum and J when I was up there a little while back.  I think it's called Flotterston, though I'm not too sure.  Anyway, I'd like to go back there.  It was beautiful.

22. Who gave you the best advice this year?

My GP.  She told me to keep living my life, even if I have to do it differently from how I would have hoped.

23. What new skill would you like to acquire next year?

The skill of finding an agent and a publisher ;o)

24. What was your favourite TV/radio programme this year?

My favourite TV programme was, once again, Miranda.  I love it.  It's hilarious and is guaranteed to make me laugh whatever mood I'm in.  Radio?  I don't think there's one specific programme, but I've really enjoyed some of the Radio 4 Afternoon Dramas this year.

25. What would you like to make more time for next year?

Writing.  I mean writing in a more self-structured way.  I don't have the discipline of university now, so I have to find a way to do this myself.  Ironically, I think that part of making sure I get down to the writing will entail me getting busier with some other things.  That way I'll be able to have a more structured life, and will have definite times when I know I can't write, so I will have to make time specifically for writing.

26. What has been the biggest disappointment this year?

Probably not managing to get to the 'meet' in Liverpool with a group of my OU friends.  On the morning that I was supposed to be setting off - the day before the meet - I woke up with terrible gastroenteritis and a sky-high temperature.  The actually day of the meet was when I ended up in hospital with anaphylaxis after taking rehydration salts.  I still don't know what it was in them that caused the reaction.  Anyway, I was extremely disappointed not to get to the meet as I'd been looking forward to it for a long while, and they are great friends.

27. What was the best or most enjoyable concert you went to this year?

I've had several concerts booked to go to, but haven't got to any of them because I've ended up in hospital each time instead.  I suppose then, that rather than it being a concert for which I was going to be in the audience, I will have to say that the most enjoyable concert I went to this year was the Swing Bridge Singers Jubilee concert on 30th December.  Brilliant!

28. What do you think was the best thing that you did for yourself during the last year?

Start seeing a psychologist again.  It's hard work - therapy always is - but it's worth it.  My health is crap and it gives me a lot to contend with.  It was getting on top of me and I'd hardly realised quite how much it was wearing me down.  Although I had to wait a long time between the referral, the initial assessment, and eventually starting session, it was actually fortuitous that I started them at a time when there have been so many new diagnoses possibilities flying around (I really must give an update about all of that) and a time of flux for other reasons.

29. What is the biggest difference in yourself from this time last year?

I think the biggest difference is that I'm not feeling very settled.  This time last year I knew where I was up to, what I was doing, where I was aiming for, what my goals were, and I had a structure to do all that.  Now there are so many uncertainties and no structure at all.

30. What are you most looking forward to about next year?

Writing and living.  I had an experience at the end of 2011 that made me doubt that I would be alive at the end of 2012 (I don't really want to say anything more about that for now), so yes, living and being a part of 2013 is my answer, and writing is a part of that.

So what about all of you?  Tell me your answers to some of these questions, even though it's a little late as a review of 2012.  I'd like to learn a little more about some of you.

All sorts

There's a lot going on at the moment, some of it good, some of it very good, some of it not so good at all.

One of the very good things is that I got the final results for my MA and I got a Merit.  Hurray!  If I'm honest, I was actually slightly disappointed with this at first, but that's only because I set the expectations for myself very high, and actually, when I'd had time to reflect on it, I'm still proud of myself.  It's been a tough year, and to get through the course has been difficult enough at times, so to get a high Merit is good going.  When I had a look at my marked dissertation/portfolio there were a few points where I felt I could come back to the markers with comments, but of course that's not possible.  All in all, a good thing.  A very good thing.  I'm looking forward to graduating on 6th December.

Another good thing is that I've been involved in setting up a choir.  I'm not running it, but I've been helping find the venue, set up the bank account, help with advertising, setting up and checking the email account, taking subs, etc.  Many years ago I was in a youth choir, Swing Bridge Singers - I've spoken about them before.  I loved it, and it was probably the one good thing in my teenage years. The conductor/musical director (Scottee) is one of my most favourite people, as he is for many of the 600 or so people who have now passed through Swing Bridge Singers.  After a lot of years of being asked by ex-SBSers and SBS parents, Scottee agreed to do an adult version of Swing Bridge Singers.  We are called Flotsam and had our first rehearsal last week.  There was no way of knowing how many people would turn up, and whether or not we would have a choir, but in the event thirty two folk came along!  Not a bad turn out for week one.  The second rehearsal is this evening, and we're hoping for a few more folk to come, especially men as we only had four last week.  The four we had were very good, but they were rather outnumbered.   I'm loving it though. I came out last week feeling a bit more alive and reconnected with the world :o)

Now one of the not so good things is that my lungs are playing up.  During the day I'm not too bad.  My peak flow isn't very good, at an average of around 150, but at night time things are going totally pear-shaped.  I cough.  I wheeze.  I'm breathless.  I use my nebuliser again and again, and eventually it settles, but not until around 5.30am, and I'm getting exhausted.  I went to my GP today, knowing that there's not really anything she can do, although she did say to increase my furosemide (diuretic) in case my lungs are filling with fluid at night.  Then she suggested I get in touch with my consultant.  I have done that, and eventually got past his gate-keeper secretary, who started off saying that I should see my own GP, but then listened when I said that actually I was phoning on the advice of my GP.  My consultant has been busy all day, but his Registrar phoned me.  When I explained what was happening, and explained what medication I'm on he said he wasn't sure what to do either, but would speak to 'The Boss' and get back to me.  He has just done so, as I've been typing this.  The upshot is that they want me to go into hospital :o(  They want me to have some IV aminophylline and to try to stabilise things.  They want me to go in tonight :o(  This means I'm going to miss tonight's Flotsam :o(  They haven't actually got a bed for me at the moment, but the Registrar said they're going to make one - perhaps literally - and he'll phone me when they've got one :o(  I said to him that, if they can't get a bed tonight, I could go in tomorrow instead.  I was trying not to sound too hopeful, but I really wanted to go to Flotsam.  The Reg said that they really want me in tonight in case tonight is the night that everything goes belly-up :o(  I completely understand, and my rational head agrees with him, but I don't like it.

There's a load of other stuff going on too.  Stuff I can't talk about here.  That's the very not good stuff.

Anyway, I'm going to have to go because the Registrar has just phoned me back to say they've got a bed :o(

Booo

A ray of sunshine

When I was thirteen I joined Newcastle's premier youth choir, Swing Bridge Singers, whose 'uniform' includes a bright yellow t-shirt, and whose ethos is one of fun, laughter, music, inclusivity, friendship, and six-part harmony (if you can include that in an ethos). There were (and still are) no auditions, no membership fee, no prerequisite that you should be able to read music, no parents' committee, and no register. It ran/runs off the enthusiasm of its members and its amazing choir master Andrew Scott, or Scottee as he's always been known.

Swing Bridge Singers was six months old when I joined, but last weekend we had a reunion celebration for its 20th anniversary, held at The Sage Gateshead. There was a single rehearsal for current members and ex-members on Saturday (29th December), followed by a party in the evening, and then the concert during the afternoon of Sunday 30th December. The first half of the first half of the concert was the current choir, who sounded fabulous, and whose joy of the music and the experience of Swing Bridge you could see on their faces and hear in the songs.

The a capella group Black Voices have done some things with Swing Bridge Singers in its recent history, and with Scottee in other musical capacities beyond SBS. Black Voices are also celebrating their 20th anniversary and agreed to take part in the concert last weekend, so they comprised the second half of the first half of it (if you get what I mean). Their collective background, as far as I know (check their website for more information), is that they are a group of nine black women based in Birmingham (UK) who perform in quintets rather than a nonet. They have extensive experience of singing gospel and spiritual music, and this is often reflected in their performances. They are currently singing many songs that highlight the memory of the British slave trade, and are celebrating the bicentenary of its abolition. They produce a deeply rich sound, and their music has both a passion and a zest to it that I've rarely seen.

The second half of Sunday's concert comprised a mass choir of current members of Swing Bridge Singers and its ex-members. Sadly only about 250 of the 450 who've sung in the yellow glory of Swing Bridge were able to make it, but we did have ex-members come back to Newcastle for the concert from Spain, Ecuador and Tasmania, such is the impact the choir has had on people and the place that it holds in their hearts that they should travel such great distances for a reunion! I was one of the few who had very little distance to travel, but Scottee and the Swing Bridge Singers are very special to me, and I have some fantastic memories of my years with them. I had some tough times through my teenage years, but Swing Bridge Singers kept a spark of life inside me and probably saved me from myself. I hope that doesn't sound too melodramatic ... it's not meant to ... it's just how things were, and merely a reflection on the special thing that SBS is and the special person that Scottee is (and he's still a good friend).

So Sunday's concert was great fun, brought back some wonderful memories, was very yellow as we all had special Swing Bridge Singers 20th anniversary polo shirts, slightly nerve-wracking (we sold out!), and it was great to sing the old songs again and meet up with past friends again. I'm waiting with great excitement for my copy of the CD of Sunday's concert. I'm told that the combined choir made a great sound, and whilst I have recordings of some of the songs by their original artists, it's always great to listen to a piece of music and remember taking part in the creation of the recording.

Signing off with warm memories.