I think the big splat is very nearly upon me. I get the feeling that I'm not going to last much longer and will be in hospital within the next 24 to 48 hours. This is not a good feeling. I've had the most horrendous night for various reasons so I'm exhausted to start with. All I can do is hope that I have the energy to get through the fast-approaching crisis when it comes.
I hate this. I know it's nearly here. I know I have the fight for my life nearly upon me yet again. I know I have to summon a mass of energy I don't feel I have from somewhere. I could cry ... but I won't, because I need to preserve what energy I have and I know that if I let the tears come then the upset will only speed things up and worsen the situation. I hate this.