A favourite quote and a way by which to approach life.

Today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

What next?

I feel rubbish and I'm afraid this is likely to be a bit of a moan.

I guess I'll start with the good bit, which is that my lungs are improving and I'm now off the oxygen. My oxygen sats are a little on the low side, but that's fairly normal for me when I first come off the O2 and my body gets used to doing without the extra. It's fine. They'll sort themselves out.

All is not well though, and the bladder and kidney spasms I was experiencing progressed into renal colic with excrutiating pain that ultimately caused me to pass out and end up in a very distressed state. Yesterday was a day of total agony with the renal colic, and today hasn't been great either, although it hasn't been as protracted as yesterday. When I'd been transferred from the RVI to ward 29 I had gone into urine retention, so had needed to be catheterised. There was thought today that the catheter might be aggravating my bladder and making the renal colic worse so it was removed this morning, and it does seem to have lessened the pain a little, although when it comes it's still bloody awful. However, it also seems that I've developed a urinary tract infection, with blood in my urine, which is making me feel rubbish and ill, and totally worn out. It's one thing after another, and all on top of Nn's death, and I feel like I'm running out of resources.

Then there's the whole thing of how I ended up in here this time - the allergy and subsequent asthma attack. Social Services are having to do an investigation into what happened because of the severity of the consequences. This is probably a good thing, but it is somewhat anxiety provoking. I don't want the carer who prepared the fated meal to become a scape-goat for the inadequacies of the system, and I don't want to be faced with negative attitudes myself when I eventually get home and have the carers back. I don't particularly want the same care agency to resume my care, because I think it might be quite difficult and ... well, can I trust that the same mistake won't be made again? Perhaps it'll mean greater vigilence by the carers when preparing my meals, but not necessarily. I don't know what the answer is. Anyway, the main thing is this protection of vulnerable adults high risk assessment investigation that's going on. A social worker conducting the investigation spoke to the staff on ITU when I was there, and they've also spoken to W to ask for her account of events. They were in contact with the ward here last week asking if they could come and interview me 'at some point in the next day or two', which I presumed to mean they'd come last week, but nobody came. The ward sister contacted Social Services about it yesterday and apparently they still plan to come and interview me, but didn't say when it'd be. In the meantime they sent up one of the hospital social workers to ask a few of the questions they had, although she also said that the investigating social worker would definitely be coming to interview me along with someone from the care agency! It's hanging over me now, causing me stress. I'm trying not to think about it, but it's difficult. It seems like a huge thing to be going on, and totally out of my control. Of course I can see that it needs to be done, after all the event nearly cost me my life, but I don't have much in the way of resources to cope with the enormity of it ... and as I say, I don't want the carer involved to be scape-goated. The agency are contracted to provide a particular service for me so they should be able to provide staff with adequate training and skills to provide that service. The fact is that they don't, so it's the system that's really at fault, not the individual. I just don't know what's going to happen or what attitude I'm going to presented with when I'm interviewed.

Sometimes life gets on top of me. Now is one of those times.


Joy said...

I'm very glad that they are taking this very seriously and maybe, as you talk to them, you can point out that it's the system that's at fault, using people with unadequate training and experience.

J x

Tequila Sepulveda said...

I hope you're feeling better soon, Becky. You sound so miserable and I feel for you. Have another hug from the desert southwest!

BeckyG said...

Joy, they're definitely taking it seriously. They have to given the consequences. I just hopr that they see the system as the failure, not the individual, and that they then do something to fix the system. Thank you for the hugs :o)

Tequila, thank you for your support and southwest desert hugs :o) I don't think I've ever had such a hug before :oD Very cheery :oD