I'm a bit detached from my emotions at the moment, as you may have realised by the rather factual account of the events of last week. I can feel the emotions bubbling away not too far from the surface, a little like the bottle of water that my oxygen is bubbling through at the foot of my bed - always there, but sometimes blending into the general rumblings of background noise. I think that when the emotions hit they're going to hit hard, but that probably they won't hit until I'm at home and I have the space to let them out. The problem with this is that I'll then be on my own, so I'm going to have to come up with a plan to cope with it, maybe even calling or writing to my psychiatrist. He's not the best pdoc I've had, though he's nice enough, and maybe it'll just be good to know that I can splurge it out to him ... except I think that he's away in August so maybe that plan isn't going to work. Oh well, I'll think of something.
Recent events and my proximity to death last week haven't been helped by news I received on Monday that another of my asthmatic friends died last Saturday. It was a big shock, very upsetting, and (selfishly) rather close to home, particularly in terms of timing. I'm finding it hard to get my head around that, and I'm sure it's added into the distress of this attack. Well I know it has ... is ...
It's all a bit too much really, and right now I don't have the energy to cope very well, which is probably why my mind is trying to switch off from the emotion as much as possible. I'm not sure how helpful this is in the long-term though.
Oh, I feel like I'm rambling now. I'll shut up and come back when I'm a bit more coherent.