I'm a bit detached from my emotions at the moment, as you may have realised by the rather factual account of the events of last week. I can feel the emotions bubbling away not too far from the surface, a little like the bottle of water that my oxygen is bubbling through at the foot of my bed - always there, but sometimes blending into the general rumblings of background noise. I think that when the emotions hit they're going to hit hard, but that probably they won't hit until I'm at home and I have the space to let them out. The problem with this is that I'll then be on my own, so I'm going to have to come up with a plan to cope with it, maybe even calling or writing to my psychiatrist. He's not the best pdoc I've had, though he's nice enough, and maybe it'll just be good to know that I can splurge it out to him ... except I think that he's away in August so maybe that plan isn't going to work. Oh well, I'll think of something.
Recent events and my proximity to death last week haven't been helped by news I received on Monday that another of my asthmatic friends died last Saturday. It was a big shock, very upsetting, and (selfishly) rather close to home, particularly in terms of timing. I'm finding it hard to get my head around that, and I'm sure it's added into the distress of this attack. Well I know it has ... is ...
It's all a bit too much really, and right now I don't have the energy to cope very well, which is probably why my mind is trying to switch off from the emotion as much as possible. I'm not sure how helpful this is in the long-term though.
Oh, I feel like I'm rambling now. I'll shut up and come back when I'm a bit more coherent.
2 comments:
Hi Becky
Its certainly good to see you up and about again, sorry you are having such a rough ride and im really sorry about your friend too. I didnt know her at all as she became too unwell to post long before i joined the boards. I know a lot of people who did though and she certainly has left a space in a lot of peoples lives - I guess she was a character like Emma?? Very special!!
I always get very emotional after a severe attack this last one of mine was a very scary one and really made me think how fragile and finely balanced my life really is, i asked to speak to my liason psych whilst i was in hospital - she wasnt available but another chap i have seen lots before saw me instead - always makes me feel special and talks through stuff with me i find that so helpful especially when everything is playing round in your head!
Be kind to yourself - rest, get better and dont beat yourself up if your feeling low or grumpy - its perfectly natural!
huge hugs and lotsa lv Rattles Xxxx
then don't allow yourself to be on your own and make sure you tell your rubbish friends when you need to see them so that you can splurge/talk. I admit i (and some others) are crap unless told what to do, but if you call and say 'come now', most of us will. (although may have j too!!)
thinking of you, don't be alone
Gxx
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