This time last week I was still finding it difficult to process the trauma of the last attack. I wasn't sleeping even though I was utterly exhausted, and every time I lay down to sleep I had all the events of the last attack whizzing through my head at a hundred miles an hour. I was stressed and tearful through the day and generally wasn't coping very well, so I decided to see my GP to off-load. I know all the GPs at my practice very well, and they're all great, but there's one in particular I go to when I need to verbally vomit, and she's fine about me verbally vomiting all over her.
I made a double appointment to see Dr P and still managed to run overtime by 10 minutes (oops), but it was good to off-load. However, it wasn't an easy appointment. We didn't just talk about the asthma attack-related stress, but also my mobility. In fact, this is what took up most of the time in the end and it was instigated by Dr P. In light of the recent attack with how suddenly it came on, how severe it became and so quickly, and what little activity set it off, she said that, in her opinion, it's now too dangerous for me to walk. I already use my electric wheelchair (Taz) a lot of the time - partly because of the POTS as well as the asthma - but she said I should use it as much as possible, and I should consider myself to have virtually no mobility.
It's a shock. It's upsetting. I know it's the reality, and I know that I was using my electric wheelchair more and more, but to have my doctor say this feels very different. I keep thinking about the implications - all the things I hoped to do again, but will probably never be able to. I don't feel ready to give up my mobility entirely, but then I wonder if I ever will do. I doubt it. A part of me knows that she's right, but another part of me wants to rebel. Then I ask myself if the consequences are worth the rebellion and they're obviously not...
I had wanted to try to get some level of fitness back. How am I supposed to do that now? I asked the doctor about getting back to supervised exercise at the gym and she told me no way. She said that in her opinion the only place that it's now safe for me to do any kind of exercise is in hospital where there are resuscitation facilities and medics on hand, not just physios. I can't see that happening. Yes, I went to pulmonary rehab at the hospital, which was good, but there's a waiting list and I can't see that I'd be able to take a place permanently. I've emailed the Charge Nurse on Ward 29 to ask his opinion, but I think he's away at the moment, and I'm probably going to have to talk about it with my consultant anyway.
It's a lot to take in. It feels like the boundaries of my illness have changed again ... more obviously dramatically than anytime before, or anytime I remember.
Showing posts with label exercise. Show all posts
Showing posts with label exercise. Show all posts
Saturday, 13 August 2011
Wednesday, 11 August 2010
Results!
Hurrah! I have good things to report! First off, I got the results for my latest OU course - children's literature - and I got a Distinction (a First) with 90% for the End of Course Assessment (the one I wrote when I was so desperately ill because I was refused an extension) and 86.5% for the continuous assessment. All but one of my continuous assessment essays were over 85%, but my OCA mark was brought down a little by the 78% I got for the second assignment Sooo, the Distinction I've got for this course adds to the other three I've got, and although I have one more course to do before I graduate I know now that I will come out with a First Class Honours degree, providing I pass the last course. As I'm doing things in my typical backwards way, this last course I have to do is only a foundation course so it's just pass or fail - no variation in pass levels - and as a foundation course it doesn't count towards my final class of degree, which is how come I know what degree classification I'll graduate with :oD It certainly takes the pressure off, and I can be extremely proud of myself achieving what I have, and against the odds with my health.
Continuing with the education theme, I've had my official acceptance from Newcastle University onto the Post Graduate Certificate in creative writing - an unconditional offer after a glowing reference from my latest OU tutor :oD I'm a very happy bunny and looking forward to starting my post grad studies ... even though I'll simultaneously be finishing my undergraduate degree...
Now you may remember that some time ago I asked if it'd be possible for me to have pulmonary rehab at the Freeman. Initially the physio had agreed, but then they got scared off by my regular passing out, which is understandable I suppose. So then, feeling rather despondent, I asked my GP if he could help, but he was then pushed from pillar to post and apparently ended up writing to Dr H (asthma consultant) to see what he could do. Then at the beginning of last week I had an appointment with the physio at the Falls and Syncope Service at RVI to see if they could help with the imbalance I have due to the POTS. The physio here, L, was great (as all the staff at the F&S clinic have been in all of my contact with them) and she's given me some balance exercises to do. Anyway, while I was there I spoke to L about the pulmonary rehab and the reticence of physios not used to POTS (fair enough considering the rarity of it) to take me on, and also whether she thought it'd be reasonable for me to take part in pulmonary rehab. After my assessment with her L thought pulmonary rehab would be great for me, and said that she'd discuss it with Prof N (one of my POTS consultants - for some reason I have 2 in the same department!). The next day I had a call from L saying that she'd discussed the pulmonary rehab option with Prof N and she also thought it would be of great benefit to me. Prof N had written a letter to the physios at Freeman to put forward my case, whilst acknowledging the justification for their anxieties, and L said that I should hear from the Freeman shortly, but to get back in touch with her if I hadn't heard anything in three weeks time. Well, that afternoon I received a phone call from the physio at the Freeman offering me an appointment for my pre-pulmonary rehab assessment! L must have faxed the letter through to Freeman. I'm so pleased. I can't wait to start getting some level of fitness back, and to get my confidence with it back too. I'll keep you posted with how the assessment goes and what happens in pulmonary rehab.
It's three weeks today since I had my first cataract op, and things are now much more settled with it. I'm still surprised by the brightness of colours and the fact that things have actual edges! My sight is still lopsided as I've yet to have the second eye done, and also get new glasses, but already things are so much better than before the op and it's all very exciting :oD I have one more lot of eye drops to do at midnight tonight before I can stop being ruled by the clock and having to remember to take the drops with me if I go out (ensuring too that they're kept cold as they're supposed to be refrigerated), and then I have my follow-up appointment at the hospital on Thursday next week. Two days before this I have to go to the optician to have a post-op eye test so that the surgeon has something to work on at my clinic appointment, so that's all booked in for Tuesday. I'm still having problems reading and doing any kind of close work, which is very frustrating, but I know that'll be sorted when I get new glasses after my second op. In the meantime I'm enjoying already improved sight.
Oh, the other thing is that I've had the super duper ventilation system from EnviroVent installed. The bulk of the work was done on Monday with the BBC news reporter here too doing lots of filming and interviewing in the morning - he was here for almost three hours! He came back a couple of hours later to do a bit more filming and to interview one of the directors from EnviroVent who had come up from their head office in Harrogate. He was lovely, and actually the person who had seen me on the initial news item a few weeks ago, and thus instigated the whole thing with EnviroVent. It's so very generous of them, and while only time will tell if it helps my asthma, I can already feel an improvement in the level of humidity in my flat. The installation was finished off this afternoon, with the last of the boxing-in of the piping being done and the new fan in the kitchen. The engineer was brilliant, friendly, efficient, hard working, and an all round good guy :o) Both of us were on the telly on Monday evening on both the 6.30pm programme and the 10.30pm programme, and I learnt from a friend today who had a visit from her social worker yesterday that, as a result of my appearance on the telly, the local social services are going to review their provision of services for severe asthmatics. Apparently they weren't really aware of the impact that severe asthma can have on an individual, learnt a lot from the news report I was in, and consequently think that they're not doing enough for people with asthma. I think this is an amazing result and more than I could have hoped for from the report, so I'm now more than ecstatic that I agreed to put my insecurities aside and take part in the TV publicity.
Results all round!
Continuing with the education theme, I've had my official acceptance from Newcastle University onto the Post Graduate Certificate in creative writing - an unconditional offer after a glowing reference from my latest OU tutor :oD I'm a very happy bunny and looking forward to starting my post grad studies ... even though I'll simultaneously be finishing my undergraduate degree...
Now you may remember that some time ago I asked if it'd be possible for me to have pulmonary rehab at the Freeman. Initially the physio had agreed, but then they got scared off by my regular passing out, which is understandable I suppose. So then, feeling rather despondent, I asked my GP if he could help, but he was then pushed from pillar to post and apparently ended up writing to Dr H (asthma consultant) to see what he could do. Then at the beginning of last week I had an appointment with the physio at the Falls and Syncope Service at RVI to see if they could help with the imbalance I have due to the POTS. The physio here, L, was great (as all the staff at the F&S clinic have been in all of my contact with them) and she's given me some balance exercises to do. Anyway, while I was there I spoke to L about the pulmonary rehab and the reticence of physios not used to POTS (fair enough considering the rarity of it) to take me on, and also whether she thought it'd be reasonable for me to take part in pulmonary rehab. After my assessment with her L thought pulmonary rehab would be great for me, and said that she'd discuss it with Prof N (one of my POTS consultants - for some reason I have 2 in the same department!). The next day I had a call from L saying that she'd discussed the pulmonary rehab option with Prof N and she also thought it would be of great benefit to me. Prof N had written a letter to the physios at Freeman to put forward my case, whilst acknowledging the justification for their anxieties, and L said that I should hear from the Freeman shortly, but to get back in touch with her if I hadn't heard anything in three weeks time. Well, that afternoon I received a phone call from the physio at the Freeman offering me an appointment for my pre-pulmonary rehab assessment! L must have faxed the letter through to Freeman. I'm so pleased. I can't wait to start getting some level of fitness back, and to get my confidence with it back too. I'll keep you posted with how the assessment goes and what happens in pulmonary rehab.
It's three weeks today since I had my first cataract op, and things are now much more settled with it. I'm still surprised by the brightness of colours and the fact that things have actual edges! My sight is still lopsided as I've yet to have the second eye done, and also get new glasses, but already things are so much better than before the op and it's all very exciting :oD I have one more lot of eye drops to do at midnight tonight before I can stop being ruled by the clock and having to remember to take the drops with me if I go out (ensuring too that they're kept cold as they're supposed to be refrigerated), and then I have my follow-up appointment at the hospital on Thursday next week. Two days before this I have to go to the optician to have a post-op eye test so that the surgeon has something to work on at my clinic appointment, so that's all booked in for Tuesday. I'm still having problems reading and doing any kind of close work, which is very frustrating, but I know that'll be sorted when I get new glasses after my second op. In the meantime I'm enjoying already improved sight.
Oh, the other thing is that I've had the super duper ventilation system from EnviroVent installed. The bulk of the work was done on Monday with the BBC news reporter here too doing lots of filming and interviewing in the morning - he was here for almost three hours! He came back a couple of hours later to do a bit more filming and to interview one of the directors from EnviroVent who had come up from their head office in Harrogate. He was lovely, and actually the person who had seen me on the initial news item a few weeks ago, and thus instigated the whole thing with EnviroVent. It's so very generous of them, and while only time will tell if it helps my asthma, I can already feel an improvement in the level of humidity in my flat. The installation was finished off this afternoon, with the last of the boxing-in of the piping being done and the new fan in the kitchen. The engineer was brilliant, friendly, efficient, hard working, and an all round good guy :o) Both of us were on the telly on Monday evening on both the 6.30pm programme and the 10.30pm programme, and I learnt from a friend today who had a visit from her social worker yesterday that, as a result of my appearance on the telly, the local social services are going to review their provision of services for severe asthmatics. Apparently they weren't really aware of the impact that severe asthma can have on an individual, learnt a lot from the news report I was in, and consequently think that they're not doing enough for people with asthma. I think this is an amazing result and more than I could have hoped for from the report, so I'm now more than ecstatic that I agreed to put my insecurities aside and take part in the TV publicity.
Results all round!
Monday, 14 September 2009
Off again
Next Saturday I'm off on holiday again, this time for a week in Somerset with W. We've rented a cottage in Rodden, near Frome. It's attached to a moated manor house, looks lovely, and because it's out of season then it's just within our budget :o) I've been to Somerset before, but not this part of it, and I'm really looking forward to exploring the area. We have a whole host of things planned, and I'm not entirely sure how we're going to fit it all into a week, but I'm sure we will. Here's a quick run down of some of the places we're planning on going to, some of which are already booked:
Longleat. I wasn't originally planning on taking the car here, because of the risk of it being wrecked by the monkeys. Instead we were going to arrive by public transport so that we could take the safari bus, but it seems that the poor monkeys have some kind of infection that they're not supposed to be able to get as their an isolated community, so the monkey section is closed. I think it's less likely that a lion or giraffe is going to come and sit on the car and pull it apart.
Cheddar Gorge. Apparently I went here as a very young child, but I don't remember it at all and I've wanted to go for years. It's actually part of my reason for suggesting to W that we go to Somerset.
Wookey Hole. I'm not entirely sure what to expect at Wookey Hole. I think it's something like Cheddar Gorge, but a bit kind of theme parky. We'll see. There's some kind of myth about witches and they have people dressed up as witches. They recently employed someone as a new witch, who is allegedly being paid £50 000 a year!!!!!!
Wells Cathedral. I've heard wonderful things about Wells Cathedral and wanted to see its wonders for myself for quite sometime, so I'm looking forward to this. It might be a bit of way to drive there from Frome - I'm not very sure - but it doesn't matter.
Stourhead. This is a National Trust property that is said to have beautiful gardens. I guess whether or not we get there depends somewhat on the weather, but it'd be nice to go if we can, and it's one of the places that's suggested on the cottage website.
Bath and the Thermae Spa. I went to Bath in 2006 and loved it - it's beautiful and full of history. The Roman Baths are fantastic and the abbey is lovely. The thermae spa is right next to both of these and you can bath in the naturally hot spring water on the roof top with the abbey towering above you on one side, the stone-carved Roman soldiers at the Roman baths on another, and views of the rolling countryside of the Chew Valley on another. There's a lot to see and do in Bath if you want to, and during the time that we're in the region Bath also have the Children's Literature Festival running, which is just perfect timing for my new course so we'll probably take a look at that.
Stonehenge. This is another place I went to in 2006, but definitely worth a second visit. It was smaller than I'd expected, but had such an enigmatic atmosphere. It was fascinating and I'm looking forward to going again. I didn't explore any of the surrounding country and the other stone circles in the area so maybe W and I will while we're there ... if it's not too cold and wet (I'm desperately hoping for good weather while we're away).
It's going to be quite a packed week, and if we're going to get it all done then we'll have to do more than one thing some days. I hope we have some time to relax and enjoy the cottage too amongst all the activity and don't come back exhausted and in need of a holiday ;o) It should be great fun though and I'm really looking forward to it. We go on Saturday. It's quite a drive from here and I'm expecting it to take at least 6 hours, but I've put W onto my car insurance for the week so that we can share the driving if need be. Having said that, I do enjoy driving.
Right then, I'd better sign off for now and make my way to the gym for some more training for my gym marathon at the end of next month. The training's going pretty well, but I'm definitely having to pace myself so that I don't get too exhausted or push myself too far too quickly and end up in hospital. That would be counterproductive, wouldn't it?
Longleat. I wasn't originally planning on taking the car here, because of the risk of it being wrecked by the monkeys. Instead we were going to arrive by public transport so that we could take the safari bus, but it seems that the poor monkeys have some kind of infection that they're not supposed to be able to get as their an isolated community, so the monkey section is closed. I think it's less likely that a lion or giraffe is going to come and sit on the car and pull it apart.
Cheddar Gorge. Apparently I went here as a very young child, but I don't remember it at all and I've wanted to go for years. It's actually part of my reason for suggesting to W that we go to Somerset.
Wookey Hole. I'm not entirely sure what to expect at Wookey Hole. I think it's something like Cheddar Gorge, but a bit kind of theme parky. We'll see. There's some kind of myth about witches and they have people dressed up as witches. They recently employed someone as a new witch, who is allegedly being paid £50 000 a year!!!!!!
Wells Cathedral. I've heard wonderful things about Wells Cathedral and wanted to see its wonders for myself for quite sometime, so I'm looking forward to this. It might be a bit of way to drive there from Frome - I'm not very sure - but it doesn't matter.
Stourhead. This is a National Trust property that is said to have beautiful gardens. I guess whether or not we get there depends somewhat on the weather, but it'd be nice to go if we can, and it's one of the places that's suggested on the cottage website.
Bath and the Thermae Spa. I went to Bath in 2006 and loved it - it's beautiful and full of history. The Roman Baths are fantastic and the abbey is lovely. The thermae spa is right next to both of these and you can bath in the naturally hot spring water on the roof top with the abbey towering above you on one side, the stone-carved Roman soldiers at the Roman baths on another, and views of the rolling countryside of the Chew Valley on another. There's a lot to see and do in Bath if you want to, and during the time that we're in the region Bath also have the Children's Literature Festival running, which is just perfect timing for my new course so we'll probably take a look at that.
Stonehenge. This is another place I went to in 2006, but definitely worth a second visit. It was smaller than I'd expected, but had such an enigmatic atmosphere. It was fascinating and I'm looking forward to going again. I didn't explore any of the surrounding country and the other stone circles in the area so maybe W and I will while we're there ... if it's not too cold and wet (I'm desperately hoping for good weather while we're away).
It's going to be quite a packed week, and if we're going to get it all done then we'll have to do more than one thing some days. I hope we have some time to relax and enjoy the cottage too amongst all the activity and don't come back exhausted and in need of a holiday ;o) It should be great fun though and I'm really looking forward to it. We go on Saturday. It's quite a drive from here and I'm expecting it to take at least 6 hours, but I've put W onto my car insurance for the week so that we can share the driving if need be. Having said that, I do enjoy driving.
Right then, I'd better sign off for now and make my way to the gym for some more training for my gym marathon at the end of next month. The training's going pretty well, but I'm definitely having to pace myself so that I don't get too exhausted or push myself too far too quickly and end up in hospital. That would be counterproductive, wouldn't it?
Saturday, 29 August 2009
Movement
I'm back home. I got home on Wednesday night after battling for an hour with the Edinburgh traffic before managing to make it onto the A1, and then crawling my way down a stretch of the A1 where they were doing roadworks and taking us down in convoy to ensure a 10 mph speed limit. I eventually made it back around 10.30pm, and of course then it took me a while to wind down after the drive before I could sleep, so when it came to getting up for my hospital appointment on Thursday I wasn't too impressed with it being morning. I managed it though ... not that it was exactly revelatory, and there haven't been any magnificent advances in the treatment of severe asthma in the past three weeks, so we spent most of the time talking about my consultant's holiday to Spain and his past holidays to Greece when he liked to go island-hopping 'as a youngster' :o) However, I did mention the fainting to him, which I thought was a good move as it's now happened a couple of times, and there've been other times when I've felt faint but haven't actually passed out. He decided to take blood to check my Hb again, which I know is the right thing to do, but always seems a bit paradoxical to take haemoglobin out of me when I haven't got enough of it to begin with ;oP I'm guessing he'll write to the GP with any results.
I had a great time in Edinburgh and very much enjoyed all the things I went to at the Fringe Festival and the Book Festival. Apart from the passing out thingumy I think I'm doing a bit better physically now too and I'm slowly getting some strength back. Next on the agenda then is to get myself back to the gym (supervised exercise/physio) and get back to training for my Big Wheeze Gym Marathon. I wrote about this idea some time ago, but I have now (at last!) managed to get sorted with the info I wanted about the Ward fund and donating through Just Giving. I'm thinking of maybe setting up a temporary blog, which I'll link to from this one, to track my progress, but in the meantime, if you want to donate and/or read more about the event and what Ward 29 at Freeman Hospital does then you can do so at my Just Giving page All sponsorship is valuable and very welcome ... and now that I've set up the page and advertised it to the world then there's no backing out. Eek! Here's to my craziness, planned for 30th October 2009!
I had a great time in Edinburgh and very much enjoyed all the things I went to at the Fringe Festival and the Book Festival. Apart from the passing out thingumy I think I'm doing a bit better physically now too and I'm slowly getting some strength back. Next on the agenda then is to get myself back to the gym (supervised exercise/physio) and get back to training for my Big Wheeze Gym Marathon. I wrote about this idea some time ago, but I have now (at last!) managed to get sorted with the info I wanted about the Ward fund and donating through Just Giving. I'm thinking of maybe setting up a temporary blog, which I'll link to from this one, to track my progress, but in the meantime, if you want to donate and/or read more about the event and what Ward 29 at Freeman Hospital does then you can do so at my Just Giving page All sponsorship is valuable and very welcome ... and now that I've set up the page and advertised it to the world then there's no backing out. Eek! Here's to my craziness, planned for 30th October 2009!
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
Getting back on track
Now that I've had a few weeks out of hospital, and now that I've finished my course and all the work for it, I'm finally beginning to get my strength back. For the weeks I had the pneumonia and for a couple of weeks after getting home from hospital I was having to use my electric wheelchair most of the time, but now I'm up and about and having to build up my muscles again. This is great, although it's also hard work. I'm determined though and I'm slowly building up my muscles and strength, and I've just started back to a more structured fitness programme. Okay, so I'm a bit limited at the moment in what I can actually do, because it's been a fair while since my muscles were actually used properly, but I'm getting there. I started out on Saturday with a walk along Longsands beach at Tynemouth. I took it slowly, but had a nice time wandering, watching all the dogs that were around playing and chasing each other, getting sand in my shoes, and enjoying the sunshine :o) Sunday was another lovely day so this time I went to St. Mary's Lighthouse for a walk along the cliff tops. The tide was in so the island causeway was covered, but I quite liked that because it's not something I often see - usually finding myself there when the tide's out. I met a friendly chap taking photos of seagulls while I was up on the cliffs, and we spent quite a while chatting about photography and snippets of life before ambling back towards the car park together, where we parted. It was lovely.
So yesterday (Tuesday) I made it back to the gym/physio for the first time since before the pneumonia. I didn't do even half of what I had been doing before I went into hospital, but I worked hard nonetheless, and have felt it today, though not too painfully. I thought about going back to the gym today, but decided that I was a bit too tired to do anything effective and not wear myself out completely, so instead I decided to try walking into town and go to the gym again tomorrow. I have to say that I was quite tired by the time I got into town this afternoon, but it felt good to have made it, and also quite a surprise. I know it's not really that far (a couple of miles), but considering how sedate I've had to be for the past few months it was a real achievement. Having survived the trek into town I was determined not to waste the trip and only come home with the small packet of yeast I picked up from Waitrose, and the funky door key I had cut for my new front door, so I went to Waterstones and ended up buying/ordering the books for my next course. I'd vowed that I wasn't going to do this yet; that I was going to give myself a break, but I couldn't resist ... books are just too addictive. I've put them on a high shelf where I know I won't forget about them, but they're not in immediate reach so I can make sure that I read some things that are completley unstudy related. I have a huge pile of books I've been wanting to read for ages, so it shouldn't be hard to make myself read something unstudy related ... for a while at least.
Tomorrow I will go back to the gym, and back to building my strength and stamina. I still have the plan to do the gym marathon in October, but I'm also still waiting to hear back from the ward Charge Nurse about the ward's fund. I tried asking him about it when I was in hospital, but he was very busy and never had the time to get back to me about it. I'll try emailing him again ... and perhaps write to the ward Sister as well, who's perhaps a bit more organised than J ;oP However, when I have details about the fund I'll get back to you with a way to sponsor me (if you'd like to), but in the meantime I need to get back to getting fit enough to do the gym marathon by the end of October.
Getting back to getting fit is also helping me to focus again on getting back to losing weight. I've been trying to while I've been ill, and had some success, but it's been minimal, which I think is partly down to my infection-induced inactivity and increasing asthma symptoms, though of course also down to the usual thing of just not cutting down enough on what I'm eating. I'll get there, and now I'm getting back on track :o)
Well, one of the benefits of doing more is that I sleep better, and last night I slept very deeply :o) After this afternoon's walk into town I think I might sleep okay tonight too, and now is the time to see if I'm right. Night all :o)
So yesterday (Tuesday) I made it back to the gym/physio for the first time since before the pneumonia. I didn't do even half of what I had been doing before I went into hospital, but I worked hard nonetheless, and have felt it today, though not too painfully. I thought about going back to the gym today, but decided that I was a bit too tired to do anything effective and not wear myself out completely, so instead I decided to try walking into town and go to the gym again tomorrow. I have to say that I was quite tired by the time I got into town this afternoon, but it felt good to have made it, and also quite a surprise. I know it's not really that far (a couple of miles), but considering how sedate I've had to be for the past few months it was a real achievement. Having survived the trek into town I was determined not to waste the trip and only come home with the small packet of yeast I picked up from Waitrose, and the funky door key I had cut for my new front door, so I went to Waterstones and ended up buying/ordering the books for my next course. I'd vowed that I wasn't going to do this yet; that I was going to give myself a break, but I couldn't resist ... books are just too addictive. I've put them on a high shelf where I know I won't forget about them, but they're not in immediate reach so I can make sure that I read some things that are completley unstudy related. I have a huge pile of books I've been wanting to read for ages, so it shouldn't be hard to make myself read something unstudy related ... for a while at least.
Tomorrow I will go back to the gym, and back to building my strength and stamina. I still have the plan to do the gym marathon in October, but I'm also still waiting to hear back from the ward Charge Nurse about the ward's fund. I tried asking him about it when I was in hospital, but he was very busy and never had the time to get back to me about it. I'll try emailing him again ... and perhaps write to the ward Sister as well, who's perhaps a bit more organised than J ;oP However, when I have details about the fund I'll get back to you with a way to sponsor me (if you'd like to), but in the meantime I need to get back to getting fit enough to do the gym marathon by the end of October.
Getting back to getting fit is also helping me to focus again on getting back to losing weight. I've been trying to while I've been ill, and had some success, but it's been minimal, which I think is partly down to my infection-induced inactivity and increasing asthma symptoms, though of course also down to the usual thing of just not cutting down enough on what I'm eating. I'll get there, and now I'm getting back on track :o)
Well, one of the benefits of doing more is that I sleep better, and last night I slept very deeply :o) After this afternoon's walk into town I think I might sleep okay tonight too, and now is the time to see if I'm right. Night all :o)
Sunday, 8 March 2009
Oww
I have blisters. This isn't terribly surprising I guess given that my poor feet have got used to an easy life up until two weeks ago, but they're sore :o( The one on my left foot isn't too bad and is in tact, but the one on the right is ENORMOUS ... well, it's about the size of a pound coin, it's burst, it's oozing, it's red and it's very painful :o( I have a compeed plaster thingumy on it and a melolin dressing over the top of that for extra padding, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to get away with it like that and still go to the gym/physio this week without ending up taking my foot off. Okay, so that's a bit of an exaggeration ;oP but I'm sure you know how it feels to have sore blisters. In the scheme of things they're incredibly minor, but I'm going to moan about it anyway ;o)
Suprisingly, despite all the exercise I've been doing, I've had very little muscle pain so far. Except, that is, when I swept a few crumbs up off the kitchen floor the other day and pulled a muscle doing that. Typical - I can go to the gym/physio and work out hard, getting through a couple of minor asthma attacks on the way but otherwise being fine, and then I come home and hurt myself using a dustpan and brush! It just goes to prove that housework is bad for you ;o) I'll give it up again and leave it to A, my carer who comes in once a week to do my cleaning and other things for me.
Those of you who have always done lots of exercise will probably know this already, and actually I remember it from times gone by when I was able to be more active most of the time, but when you've been exercising and then you have a couple of days rest your muscles start to hurt. It's like they're protesting against not being used, and they feel like they're curling up, moaning to be made use of again. It's very like the muscle pain you get when you've done too much exercise ... but not. There, that's clear as mud, isn't it. Anyway, this isn't exactly a revelation to me, but a reminder of something I'd forgotten. It's kind of good, because it makes me want to get back to the exercise to relieve the ache, alhtough I'm not looking forward to the possibility of blister expansion.
I know it's early days yet, but so far the 'training' is going well. Okay so I have some blips in breathing ability when I'm doing it, but I do anyway, and while they're not major I'll push myself on. Having said that, today hasn't been great for breathing and I woke up with sore intercostals from struggling to breathe through the night, but I've beaten my lungs into submission with plenty of nebs and I'm doing okay now. I'll just have to be careful at the gym tomorrow and tell the physio where I'm upto.
Hmm, now I ought to go and get on with some study. I have an assignment due in by Friday, for which I'm doing some life writing - a first person, present tense narrative about having an asthma attack. It's kind of therapeutic to write, but it's also quite emotionally draining as I'm having to relive the experience(s) in order to 'bring them to life.' Maybe I'll post it up here when it's done, but for now I only have 900 words of what has to be 2500 words so I'd better get to it.
Suprisingly, despite all the exercise I've been doing, I've had very little muscle pain so far. Except, that is, when I swept a few crumbs up off the kitchen floor the other day and pulled a muscle doing that. Typical - I can go to the gym/physio and work out hard, getting through a couple of minor asthma attacks on the way but otherwise being fine, and then I come home and hurt myself using a dustpan and brush! It just goes to prove that housework is bad for you ;o) I'll give it up again and leave it to A, my carer who comes in once a week to do my cleaning and other things for me.
Those of you who have always done lots of exercise will probably know this already, and actually I remember it from times gone by when I was able to be more active most of the time, but when you've been exercising and then you have a couple of days rest your muscles start to hurt. It's like they're protesting against not being used, and they feel like they're curling up, moaning to be made use of again. It's very like the muscle pain you get when you've done too much exercise ... but not. There, that's clear as mud, isn't it. Anyway, this isn't exactly a revelation to me, but a reminder of something I'd forgotten. It's kind of good, because it makes me want to get back to the exercise to relieve the ache, alhtough I'm not looking forward to the possibility of blister expansion.
I know it's early days yet, but so far the 'training' is going well. Okay so I have some blips in breathing ability when I'm doing it, but I do anyway, and while they're not major I'll push myself on. Having said that, today hasn't been great for breathing and I woke up with sore intercostals from struggling to breathe through the night, but I've beaten my lungs into submission with plenty of nebs and I'm doing okay now. I'll just have to be careful at the gym tomorrow and tell the physio where I'm upto.
Hmm, now I ought to go and get on with some study. I have an assignment due in by Friday, for which I'm doing some life writing - a first person, present tense narrative about having an asthma attack. It's kind of therapeutic to write, but it's also quite emotionally draining as I'm having to relive the experience(s) in order to 'bring them to life.' Maybe I'll post it up here when it's done, but for now I only have 900 words of what has to be 2500 words so I'd better get to it.
Friday, 6 March 2009
Mixed reactions
As has been the case here, I've had a mixed response to my proposed sponsored gym marathon, but I haven't been deterred and I'm going to go ahead with it. When I told the physio on Monday about my plan she dropped her jaw, lost the ability to speak for a minute or so and then said something along the lines of, 'Okaaaay ... that's an idea ... we can work with that, you crazy woman!' So she thinks I'm nuts (she's not alone in that), but it's great that she didn't dismiss it or veto it, and I feel confident now that I can do this because I have they physios' backing ... or at least she knows about it ;oP
Others have, as I said, had mixed reactions. Some have thought that perhaps I'm setting my goals too high; some have urged me to reconsider; but some have been fully supportive even if they do think I'm crazy. I know that the less than enthusiastic responses are because the people care about me and don't want me to put myself at risk, and all I can say about that is that living is a risk, but I promise not to be stupid about this. Part of the reason for setting the date for it at the end of October is to give me enough time to get fit enough for it, and to be realistic with the time-frame I'm giving myself. I guess the other thing to say is that although this is a marathon, it is a gym marathon so I won't just be doing walking (I have no intention of doing any running as that really would be stupid, because my lungs don't like running one bit). The idea of a gym marathon is that I use all the machines - treadmill, exercise bike, rowing machine and cross-trainer. I can cover a significant proportion of the distance on the bike, although I've have to think about setting a maximum for that or I'd feel as though I were cheating.
I still haven't worked out how to set up online sponsorship, and I can't use justgiving.co.uk because the ward's fund isn't registered with them. I'll have to see if I can use something like paypal, unless anyone has any other ideas. All help/advice appreciated.
So the next thing I think I need to do (other than set up online sponsorship) is to contact the Charge Nurse on the ward, let him know what I'm planning and ask if he has any blurb about the ward's fund that he'd like me to put at the top of sponsorship forms. I think it'd be useful to have so that people have a better idea of what they're supporting than just 'the ward that has a habit of saving my life.' I suspect that J (Charge Nurse) will exclaim my craziness, and will most likely worry about me doing it, but probably be supportive too. We'll see and I'll let you know.
Well I'm going to take myself off to bed now as I didn't sleep well last night and I'm pretty knacked. I'll keep you posted on the 'crazy idea' front as it develops/comes together. Off for a good sleep now I hope. Night.
Others have, as I said, had mixed reactions. Some have thought that perhaps I'm setting my goals too high; some have urged me to reconsider; but some have been fully supportive even if they do think I'm crazy. I know that the less than enthusiastic responses are because the people care about me and don't want me to put myself at risk, and all I can say about that is that living is a risk, but I promise not to be stupid about this. Part of the reason for setting the date for it at the end of October is to give me enough time to get fit enough for it, and to be realistic with the time-frame I'm giving myself. I guess the other thing to say is that although this is a marathon, it is a gym marathon so I won't just be doing walking (I have no intention of doing any running as that really would be stupid, because my lungs don't like running one bit). The idea of a gym marathon is that I use all the machines - treadmill, exercise bike, rowing machine and cross-trainer. I can cover a significant proportion of the distance on the bike, although I've have to think about setting a maximum for that or I'd feel as though I were cheating.
I still haven't worked out how to set up online sponsorship, and I can't use justgiving.co.uk because the ward's fund isn't registered with them. I'll have to see if I can use something like paypal, unless anyone has any other ideas. All help/advice appreciated.
So the next thing I think I need to do (other than set up online sponsorship) is to contact the Charge Nurse on the ward, let him know what I'm planning and ask if he has any blurb about the ward's fund that he'd like me to put at the top of sponsorship forms. I think it'd be useful to have so that people have a better idea of what they're supporting than just 'the ward that has a habit of saving my life.' I suspect that J (Charge Nurse) will exclaim my craziness, and will most likely worry about me doing it, but probably be supportive too. We'll see and I'll let you know.
Well I'm going to take myself off to bed now as I didn't sleep well last night and I'm pretty knacked. I'll keep you posted on the 'crazy idea' front as it develops/comes together. Off for a good sleep now I hope. Night.
Sunday, 1 March 2009
Out of my mind?
I may have just lost the plot and be completely out of my mind (quite possible as, for some reason, I didn't get any sleep last night), but I've come up with another hair-brained idea. It may prove to be beyond me and my physical capabilities but ... I'm thinking of training to do a gym marathon. This is basically doing the distance of a marathon but in the gym, which in my case is with the phsyio in supervised exercise. I'd do it in part for my general fitness and well-being (or well-boing, as I just typo-ed ;oP although I'm guessing there won't be much boing in me by the end of it), and as part of my weight-loss plan, but I'd also do it as a sponsored event to raise money for Ward 29 at Freeman Hospital - my second home. Having come up with the idea and deciding, in my sleep-deprived state, that it's a good one (I may change my mind about this, but I appear to be committing myself to it all the same), I then thought that perhaps I ought to set a date for myself. Now I need to make sure I have plenty of time to get fit enough for it, and there will of course be the variable of my health around the time, but as it could prove to be a complete nightmare I thought it might be apt to do it on or around 31st October. The only drawback is that this is a Saturday and the gym is usually very busy on a Saturday, so it could be postponed to 2nd November, or brought forward to 30th October. As I say, there'll have to be a certain amount of flexibility anyway to allow for breathing ability and my hospital status, but at the moment this is the plan. This morning I voiced the idea on the online weight-loss support group thingumy that I joined the other week and I've already had people saying that they'll sponsor me! This is fantastic, except that I don't know how to set up an online sponsorship site/wotsit so I'm going to have to do some investigating and over-coming of computer numptiness :o/
Oh my word, what am I doing?! Some days I can't even walk, so why on earth am I setting myself this ridiculous target?! Answers on a postcard, or leave a comment seeing as you don't have my address ;o) I will just have to keep telling myself that this is going to be good for me and will also benefit many other people if it raising money for Freeman Hospital's Ward 29. After all, they do have a habit of saving my life ... just so long as they don't have to do so as a result of this craziness ...
Okay, now I've told you about it I guess I'm committed. Eeek!
P.S. If anyone knows how to set up online sponsorship, do let me know. I've looked on Justgiving.co.uk but the ward isn't registered with them even though I know they have their own charity name - SWaRM (Specialist Ward for Respiratory Medicine), which I know because the Charge Nurse asked me to come up with a name for it a few years back.
Oh my word, what am I doing?! Some days I can't even walk, so why on earth am I setting myself this ridiculous target?! Answers on a postcard, or leave a comment seeing as you don't have my address ;o) I will just have to keep telling myself that this is going to be good for me and will also benefit many other people if it raising money for Freeman Hospital's Ward 29. After all, they do have a habit of saving my life ... just so long as they don't have to do so as a result of this craziness ...
Okay, now I've told you about it I guess I'm committed. Eeek!
P.S. If anyone knows how to set up online sponsorship, do let me know. I've looked on Justgiving.co.uk but the ward isn't registered with them even though I know they have their own charity name - SWaRM (Specialist Ward for Respiratory Medicine), which I know because the Charge Nurse asked me to come up with a name for it a few years back.
Wednesday, 2 July 2008
Self-esteem
For almost as long as I can remember I've had pretty low self-esteem, but over recent years I've become much more content with who I am. However, I'm still a long way off being happy with my body, and at the moment this is a real issue. The consequences of this aren't what they used to be - anorexia in my teens that migrated to bulimia through my twenties - but the crushing demoralisation isn't much different. In some strange way, I think this has contributed to my quietness on here recently ... I kind of don't want to put myself forward in any way, show myself. I know this is silly, and that those who matter really don't care what I look like, and that this is something that most women struggle with in one degree or another, but it still bothers me. I've put on so much weight in the past few months ... and I'm embarrassed ... I'm embarrassed to be me ... I'm ashamed ... I feel uncomfortable. I know that when I'm feeling okay about myself I dress a lot better and take care of my image better, which is probably what I should do when I don't feel so good about myself, but instead I hide away behind innocuous t-shirts and trousers ... I try to become unnoticeable, but know that in my vastness that this isn't possible.
Everyone knows that the solution to weight loss is to eat less and exercise more. I'm one in that everyone. I'm now trying to do something about it, and yesterday went swimming again. This is tough though, because it means practically stripping off in front of a load of strangers, and exposing myself to the small world of the swimming pool. I know it's the only way to change things though, so I will persevere, and hopefully make some progress without getting caught up in the terrible thing of eating disorders again. I know this hasn't been the case for many years now, but I think it's one of those things that's never really cured, just managed, so the possibility of it hangs over me. The change in having more confidence in myself as a person (rather than as a body) these days than in the past should help, but it's not easy to hold onto all that at times when self-esteem is low and body-image is dismal.
Everyone knows that the solution to weight loss is to eat less and exercise more. I'm one in that everyone. I'm now trying to do something about it, and yesterday went swimming again. This is tough though, because it means practically stripping off in front of a load of strangers, and exposing myself to the small world of the swimming pool. I know it's the only way to change things though, so I will persevere, and hopefully make some progress without getting caught up in the terrible thing of eating disorders again. I know this hasn't been the case for many years now, but I think it's one of those things that's never really cured, just managed, so the possibility of it hangs over me. The change in having more confidence in myself as a person (rather than as a body) these days than in the past should help, but it's not easy to hold onto all that at times when self-esteem is low and body-image is dismal.
Monday, 7 April 2008
Wet wet wet
I've recently started swimming again. I used to do a lot of swimming, but haven't done so much at all over the past few years, partly because of the old lungs, but it's also just slipped by the wayside. Anyway, for the past three weeks I've been at least three times each week and I've been really enjoying it. I love that feeling of gliding through the water and with every stroke having your troubles washed away. My mind empties. I focus on my stroke; the kick of my legs; the scoop of my hands through the water; the feel of my muscles working inside my body as they push through the water outside my body. I think briefly about the things that bother me, but for the most part my mind is concentrated on the number of the length that I'm currently swimming, and this is great for emptying the mind and being absorbed in the moment instead of being absorbed in troubles or difficulties.
As I said, I used to swim a lot (I swam for the city as a teenager, before my lungs got too bad and unpredictable), and because of this I tend to swim length after length after length when I go. Unfortunately I sometimes forget that I can't do what I was once able to, so I push myself beyond what I should, but then I'm also determined to make the most of what I can do when I can do it, which is probably why I continue to push myself despite knowing that I ought not to push too hard. Anyway, because of my previous swimming training, and because of this 'make the most of it' attitude and pushing myself, I only feel like I've done any swimming if I do at least half a mile (32 lengths in a standard pool). This is okay, and doesn't usually cause too many problems in the old breathing department. Quite often though I'll get to thinking that if I've done half a mile then I may as well do the rest of the mile. Fine, I used to do that no problem, and mostly I can still do this if my lungs are behaving themselves reasonably. For some reason though, in the past week I've started doing two miles at a time, which, if some of my friends read this and discover, is liable to get me slapped around the face with a wet fish! This really is pushing my luck, but if/when my lungs let me do this it feels really good. Sometimes when I'm in the water I just feel like I could go on forever - it takes me to a different state of mind ... almost meditative. Of course, sitting here in the evening after a two mile swim in the afternoon I certainly feel like I've done some exercise, and I may do in the morning as well, though I did two miles at the pool last Wednesday and Thursday too without feeling too stiff, so maybe I'll get fitter and I'll hardly notice that my muscles have been put through their paces. Don't get me wrong, I don't go off at a sprinting pace - I couldn't these days, though I did used to be able to (oh, how things change). No, I take it steadily and take as much time as I need. I blank out everyone around me, even when I'm aware of others pacing themselves against me, and I ignore the clock, which is helped by the fact that I don't wear my glasses in the pool and so can barely see that there is a clock, let alone what time it is ;oP
Having contacted the paragliding company several times about the possibility of doing a sponsored paraglide to raise money for my resp ward, and having not heard anything back from them at all, I'm getting a little disheartened. I'm wondering now if in the meantime I think about doing a swim marathon to raise money. The idea isn't to do the whole distance in one go (it'd take too long for starters), but over the course of a month, according to places that I've seen this kind of thing suggested before. To be honest, I could probably do it in two to two and a half weeks, but that would be pushing it so if I gave myself a month (or four weeks) that may be more realistic and would allow for a certain amount of lung-splattage. Obviously, if my lungs had a real strop and I ended up in hospital I'd have to put it on hold, or start again, but I'd work out a contingency plan for this situation. I haven't made any firm decisions yet - it's still in the idea-forming stage of things - but I so want to do something to raise money for my respiratory ward as they do so much for me, and have done for years. This seems like a reasonable idea, and perhaps wouldn't scare my friends, family and doctors quite so much as a paraglide ... though I still fully intend to do one when/if I eventually manage to get a response from AirVentures. In the meantime, and whilst I make up my mind about the swimming marathon, I'll consider myself to be in training ... or something.
As I said, I used to swim a lot (I swam for the city as a teenager, before my lungs got too bad and unpredictable), and because of this I tend to swim length after length after length when I go. Unfortunately I sometimes forget that I can't do what I was once able to, so I push myself beyond what I should, but then I'm also determined to make the most of what I can do when I can do it, which is probably why I continue to push myself despite knowing that I ought not to push too hard. Anyway, because of my previous swimming training, and because of this 'make the most of it' attitude and pushing myself, I only feel like I've done any swimming if I do at least half a mile (32 lengths in a standard pool). This is okay, and doesn't usually cause too many problems in the old breathing department. Quite often though I'll get to thinking that if I've done half a mile then I may as well do the rest of the mile. Fine, I used to do that no problem, and mostly I can still do this if my lungs are behaving themselves reasonably. For some reason though, in the past week I've started doing two miles at a time, which, if some of my friends read this and discover, is liable to get me slapped around the face with a wet fish! This really is pushing my luck, but if/when my lungs let me do this it feels really good. Sometimes when I'm in the water I just feel like I could go on forever - it takes me to a different state of mind ... almost meditative. Of course, sitting here in the evening after a two mile swim in the afternoon I certainly feel like I've done some exercise, and I may do in the morning as well, though I did two miles at the pool last Wednesday and Thursday too without feeling too stiff, so maybe I'll get fitter and I'll hardly notice that my muscles have been put through their paces. Don't get me wrong, I don't go off at a sprinting pace - I couldn't these days, though I did used to be able to (oh, how things change). No, I take it steadily and take as much time as I need. I blank out everyone around me, even when I'm aware of others pacing themselves against me, and I ignore the clock, which is helped by the fact that I don't wear my glasses in the pool and so can barely see that there is a clock, let alone what time it is ;oP
Having contacted the paragliding company several times about the possibility of doing a sponsored paraglide to raise money for my resp ward, and having not heard anything back from them at all, I'm getting a little disheartened. I'm wondering now if in the meantime I think about doing a swim marathon to raise money. The idea isn't to do the whole distance in one go (it'd take too long for starters), but over the course of a month, according to places that I've seen this kind of thing suggested before. To be honest, I could probably do it in two to two and a half weeks, but that would be pushing it so if I gave myself a month (or four weeks) that may be more realistic and would allow for a certain amount of lung-splattage. Obviously, if my lungs had a real strop and I ended up in hospital I'd have to put it on hold, or start again, but I'd work out a contingency plan for this situation. I haven't made any firm decisions yet - it's still in the idea-forming stage of things - but I so want to do something to raise money for my respiratory ward as they do so much for me, and have done for years. This seems like a reasonable idea, and perhaps wouldn't scare my friends, family and doctors quite so much as a paraglide ... though I still fully intend to do one when/if I eventually manage to get a response from AirVentures. In the meantime, and whilst I make up my mind about the swimming marathon, I'll consider myself to be in training ... or something.
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